I Never Realised
by btamamura
Summary: Danger Mouse gets a call from Penfold, one he never, ever expected. He only hopes he can help. Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts and mentions of self-harm, attempted suicide, torture and death. Rated to be safe. Inspired by a prompt from the Tumblog otpprompts. No slash, platonic relationship.
1. 01 - The Call

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any featured characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall._

 **Notes:** _**This is a lot darker and more distressing than my usual fics. This tends to happen when I am in a dark place in my mind. The prompt not only called for it, but this was also written to try to sort myself out.**_

 _ **Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts.**_

 _ **This is set during the 1980s series. There is no slash, it is all brotherly love and friendship. Danger Mouse and Penfold may seem extremely OOC, but considering the subject matter, it may not seem all that far off.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy this.**_

 _ **(Linebreaks hate me, they will be replaced by**_ _DMEP_ _ **)**_

DMEP

 _By now, you should all know this story takes place in London. I'm sorry, but looking at the script, I feel like this wouldn't be appropriate for my standard introduction about the residents of the red pillar-box on the corner of Baker Street. You should know them by now._

The phone was ringing. "Hold on a second, I'm coming!" Danger Mouse exclaimed as he hurried to answer it. He picked up the receiver, holding it by his ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, I...erm, is this _Keep Fighting_?"

The voice was all-too familiar to the mouse. _Penfold? But, why is he calling them? Wait...aren't they...?_ His heart was pounding. What should he do? Say he was and listen to what his best friend had to say? Or should he tell the truth?

"Hello?"

"Ah, terribly sorry, something went wrong with the connection." He decided to go with the lie. He only hoped Penfold wouldn't hold it against him later. "How may I help you this evening?"

"Well, I...it's hard to explain. See, my circumstances are highly confidential and I need to be sure I will not compromise anything."

 _Even now, he is keeping to the correct conduct. Oh, Penfold..._ "You do not have to worry about that, Sir, this is a confidential service. You can remain anonymous if you choose."

"Okay, good."

"The only time we will share details is if your life is in danger."

"Oh. Well, erm...at the moment, it sort of is."

His eye widened, his legs felt like jelly. "Could you please specify what you mean?"

"Um, well, I am calling this number because I need help, right?"

"Yes, that is a very good point. But, right now, just how bad is it?"

"I'm debating about it."

"Well, the fact you called this number means that you don't really want to do it."

"You're right. I keep thinking what my best friend would say if he knew this was how I felt all along."

"Your best friend?"

"I can't say anything about him, just that we've been best friends for years and are always together."

 _Penfold..._

"The last time my life was in danger, not through these same means, he was rather worried about me."

 _Of course I was! And I am rather worried about you right now! I should drop this facade!_

"But...but, I..."

He was about to reveal himself, but the sound of the choked up voice stopped him. "How long have you felt this way?"

"It's been a couple of years. I feel like I'm no good. Nothing but a hinderance and annoyance. I feel like everything is my fault. I feel like...like...I shouldn't even have the right to be his best friend. I just get in the way. I'm useless..."

He felt like crying himself after hearing that. He had never realised Penfold had carried such pain for so long. He always seemed like such a happy hamster, even if he was also scared half of the time. "What makes you say that?" He praised himself for keeping his voice steady.

"Well, in our work, which I can't go into detail about, we have to deal with a lot of different situations that an average citizen never would. He is very capable, he can do anything and everything! He's amazing! Me, on the other hand, I..." He sniffed. "I just get in the way. I slow him down. I can't do anything to help without messing up and making things all the more difficult."

 _You may slow us down a bit, but you have helped!_

"He probably secretly hates me, resents having me by his side. I..." A choked out sob sounded. "I feel like it would be better if I was no longer here..."

"Where are you right now?"

"I'm sitting on the east bank of the Thames, debating whether I should drown myself or not."

"Alright. I need you to stay there. Don't move and don't act on your thoughts. Someone will be there shortly." He set the phone down, not placing the receiver on the cradle. He hurried out the door and down the stairs to the garage. He only hoped he wouldn't be too late.

DMEP

Penfold sat there. He was told not to act on his thoughts, but he couldn't help but think that would be for the best. As he rose to his feet, he heard a car screeching to a stop nearby.

Danger Mouse leaped out of the car and ran to Penfold's side. He wrapped his arms around him in a firm embrace. "Please, _don't_..."

The hamster was more than a little surprised to feel a familiar embrace, but the shock came when he heard the whispered plea. He turned and saw the one holding him was his best friend. "D-Danger Mouse...? But, how...?"

"You called our flat."

"Eh? Then...why didn't you tell me the truth?"

"And not realise you've been hiding something from me too? Not blooming likely!" He tightened his grip. "You should know you can come to me and talk about anything troubling you. Why didn't you?"

"It was better if you didn't know..."

"That's false, Penfold, and you know it." He pulled back slightly. "Do you know what would've run through my mind if you had followed through? If you hadn't called our flat?" His grip loosened too. He shifted his position so he and the hamster could have direct eye contact. "I would've been left wondering why you did it, what I could've done to prevent it. Penfold, you are my best friend. I've told you numerous times that I can't imagine my life without you as part of it. Tonight, I would've been forced to find that out. I don't want that."

"But...but, I'm just a bother to you. I know I am. I am the reason for any failed missions."

"No, you're not. It's never your fault."

"But, you always have to save me. I slow you down, Danger Mouse, I know I do."

"It's not like I could ever leave you there. What sort of best friend would I be if I did?"

"But..."

"Penfold..." He pulled him in for another hug. "I would save you as many times as I had to. I have done so, and shall continue to. I shan't ever leave you to think I would never."

"I...I thought you were going to shush me just now."

"Not this time. I want you to talk to me, tell me everything. I don't want you to feel like you can't."

"DM, I..."

"Not even that time Greenback got you could compare to how frightened I was tonight."

"DM...?"

"Why did you let it all build up to this? Why did you allow it to bring you to the edge? Penfold...why were you willing to consider ending it all?"

"I...I just, I..." He shook his head and clung to the mouse. "I don't know, DM, I just don't! I know I could've told you! I know I should've told you instead of letting it come to this! But, I...!"

"Penfold..."

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Shh, don't apologise right now. It's clear something isn't right. We'll have to get in touch with a psychiatrist through the agency, they may be able to help you."

"I'm sorry..."

"Penfold, you should not be apologising. I should." His grip tightened protectively. "Some best friend I am if I can't see the signs that something has been troubling you. We've been together for years, I should know how to read you."

"I kept it hidden. Not even you would've noticed."

"If I had, I could've prevented it from getting this far. We could've talked about it. We could've arranged for you to get some extra help. Instead..."

He felt the mouse trembling violently. "DM?"

"Instead, I..." He collapsed against the hamster and started sobbing aloud, something he would rarely ever do. " _I almost lost you!_ "

Penfold felt awful. While he had been worried he was nothing but a hinderance, an annoyance, nothing but useless, his best friend was worried about something far worse. He felt tears returning to his eyes, clung to the mouse for dear life and joined him in sobbing.

DMEP

It took half an hour until the pair of rodents had calmed enough to halt their sobs. "I want to go home. Back to our flat."

Danger Mouse nodded. He rose to his feet, still holding the hamster. "Let's go." He started on a long trek back to their home.

"Hm? Didn't you bring the car?"

"I did, but right now, I don't want to let you go."

"Me neither."

"I'll send it back home on automatic. For now, I just...knowing tonight could've been...I can't let go of you. I love you, Penfold. You're my best friend, you're very dear to me. I can't bear the thought of..."

"I love you too, DM. I'm sorry."

"We'll have that taken care of. But, please remember from now on, come to me and talk if you must. I will take you seriously. I will do what I can to reassure you, no matter what is troubling you."

"I will."

"Know this; you are far from useless. You don't slow me down in our missions. The traps our nemeses set do, but not you."

"But, I always get caught in them..."

"I do as well, or have you forgotten?"

"But, that's usually because you have to help me out of them."

"Sometimes, yes. Penfold, don't feel guilty about that. I told you, I won't leave you behind."

"I...I know."

"There have been times I was caught myself. That slows us down, not you. Never you."

"Okay, DM."

"By the way, Penfold."

"Yes?"

"I hope you don't mind, but you are sleeping with me tonight."

"I am?"

"Not only because I don't want to be apart from you right now, but because...it would set my mind at ease knowing you're safe."

"Like when you had that nightmare?"

"Exactly."

"Well, of course I don't mind it. I thought you usually did."

"Not at times like this."

DMEP

They arrived home, but were so drained, physically and mentally, they decided to just go right to bed. The whole night, Danger Mouse refused to let go of Penfold. If he did, he thought he really would lose the hamster. A thought that chilled him to the very core of his being.

Though it got warm through the night, Penfold didn't try escaping his best friend's grasp. He owed him that much for what he had put him through that night.

DMEP

 _This story ends here, but not their story. What will happen between them? Will Penfold get the right help? Will Danger Mouse be able to help his faithful assistant through such a dark time? One can only hope so._

DMEP

 **After note:** _**I warned you, didn't I? Just as Penfold's troubles built up on him leading to those thoughts, the same is applying to me. I made up**_ _Keep Fighting_ _ **.**_

 _ **Anyway, this was inspired not just by my own feelings, but by a prompt on the Tumblog**_ _otpprompts_ _ **that says**_ _Person A receives a call from Person B, who was trying to call a Suicide Help Hotline. What happens and how Person A reacts is up to you_ _ **.**_

 _ **I hope my next works will be lighter, fluffier and nothing like this.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading. You don't have to review, but if you do choose to say something, please do not flame. Constructive criticism is fine though.**_


	2. 02 - Aftermath: DM Frets

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any characters featured in this. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall._

 **Notes:** _**After receiving a review from**_ _silvermouse_ _ **mentioning the story seemed a bit rushed, I found I agreed and decided to make it a multi-chapter. This story will show Penfold on the path to recovery by getting help. It will also show how Danger Mouse handles the whole situation.**_

 _ **Contains the same warnings.**_

 _ **(Linebreaks still hate me, so I will be using**_ _DMEP_ _ **)**_

DMEP

 _It would appear I told a lie at the end of the previous chapter. The authoress decided to continue with this story. Well, as long as we do, let's see how everything will work out._

Danger Mouse awoke with a start. His breathing was heavy and sweat dampened the fur on his forehead. He felt his arms around a smaller someone and remembered everything that had happened. He held his breath for a few seconds, focusing on making sure he could still hear that of the hamster. He felt overwhelmed with relief when he did.

The phonecall he had received was probably the worst he would claim. He'd had no idea Penfold had been suffering internally for such a long time. The hamster had done too well in hiding it. But, they were best friends! They'd lived together for years, knew almost everything about each other... Oh. That's just it. They didn't know exactly everything about each other. Maybe that was why he couldn't read into Penfold's moods.

He lay there, sleep refusing to return to him. Sure, Penfold was with him, currently safe and sound. But, there was still that unease accompanying his nightmare, let alone the earlier events of the evening. He'd only thought Penfold had decided to take a quick walk to the shops, he didn't ever suspect that his final words would've been _try not to get too frightened_ called in a slightly teasing tone. His eye widened. What if that little jest was partly responsible for the hamster's decision? _What have I done...?_

Penfold stirred slightly. He stayed asleep, but tried making a bit of space between their torsos.

Tears formed in the mouse's exposed eye. "I almost...I was just joking, surely he knew that...but..." He brought the hamster closer to him again, squeezing his eye shut, allowing the tears to slip down onto his pillow.

"Mm, hot..." Penfold murmured in his sleep.

"I'm sorry..." He allowed them a bit more space, just so the hamster wouldn't be overheated. _We'll need to make sure this place is safe. I'll need to lock up any medications, poisons, sharp objects, ropes, belts, scarves, bathtimes will need to be supervised, he can't be left alone..._ He opened his eye again. _I'll also need to call Colonel K and have him connect us to the best therapist in the agency. For now though..._ He shifted so his forehead was pressed against his assistant's. _For now, I need to try to rest. I can't help Penfold if I am not well-rested..._ He closed his eye again, hoping the close contact would allow him to ease back into slumber.

DMEP

As was their usual start to the day, Danger Mouse was the first awake. He saw Penfold still sleeping and smiled tenderly. He knew he shouldn't leave his assistant alone, not while he was experiencing such feelings, not while having such thoughts. But, he had to get up and make sure the flat would be safe for the hamster. He didn't want to wake him. _I may not have a choice though..._ He carefully nudged the hamster. "Rise and shine, Penfold."

"Mm...DM? Do we have a mission?"

"You could say that. For now, Penfold, we need to make absolutely certain there is no possible way you can hurt yourself."

"But, I'll be fine, I just need to talk to someone."

"It's not that simple, Penfold." He helped him sit up, reached over to the nightstand, picked up the spectacles and handed them to the smaller rodent. "Until you have been given the all-clear, we must make certain you are kept safe."

"But, DM..."

"Please, Penfold."

"Oh, alright. What do we have to do?"

"Lock away anything that could put you at risk. We'll have to have shared baths for the timebeing too."

"Eh?"

"To ensure you won't try to drown yourself."

"Can't I just have showers instead?"

"Still not safe enough. You need supervision."

"Crumbs, DM, I'm not a kid! Why are you treating me like one, eh?"

"It's not to treat you like a child. It is to make absolutely certain that if those dark thoughts return, then there is no possible way you can act on them. This is a very important means of keeping you safe."

"But, you can't keep an eye on me all the time! I mean, what about when I have to use the loo?"

"I will stand outside and we will talk."

"Then, why can't we do that with the bath?"

"You're not entirely at risk with the toilet."

He pouted and turned away. "DM, I don't like this. You're being too overprotective right now."

"Can you _blame_ me?"

He turned back to him when he heard the emphatic tone.

"Last night, you were trying to call a _suicide_ helpline because you thought it would be better if you weren't here anymore! You were contemplating jumping in the Thames and forcing yourself to drown when I arrived. Don't deny it."

"That was last night."

"These feelings don't just vanish overnight, Penfold! I should know!"

"What do you mean...?"

"When I was younger, I went through this too. That's why I know what I need to do to help you, because someone else did the same for me when I needed it."

"How long did it take you?"

"Months to work through those feelings, a couple of years to work through everything. I'm far better from it now than I was back then. I still have my moments, but never as severe. If you had...if you had drowned yourself in the Thames, rest assured I would've followed you."

"But...but, the _world_ needs you, DM!"

"And _I_ need _you_!"

"I...never knew you went through this sort of thing too..."

"Of course not. I hadn't told you."

"What were you like when the ones helping you had to do what you're suggesting?"

"I was the same as you. I felt like I was being treated like a child. I soon realised why they felt a need to keep it up."

"The thoughts returned?"

"Often. Even when I was seeing someone. I told you it took months to get through that alone. Suicidal thoughts and feelings work like waves. Sometimes they are very small, hardly noticable. Other times, they're like tsunamis; powerful, destructive, impossible to overcome."

"I understand."

"So, please understand when I say I am not doing this to make you feel like you are a child who needs to be coddled. I am doing this because it's the best way to keep you safe. It will take time for both of us to get used to this, but you especially."

"Alright, DM, if this really is best..."

"It is. You'll thank me for it later, I'm sure of it." He sighed. "Also, I'm sorry about last night. My words to you as you were stepping out."

"Oh, that?"

"Yes. I...would not be surprised if they contributed to your decision. I..."

"DM, _shush_! Um...Sir."

He was surprised at that.

"Those words did nothing of the sort. I know you were only teasing. In fact, they made it harder for me."

"Harder?"

"They reminded me of what I was about to give up. I'd made my final decision days ago."

"I see."

"Um, I'm sorry I shushed you. I know I have no authority to do that, but you were being guilty for no reason."

"Oh, I still have reason to feel guilt. For not noticing over the last couple of years how you've really felt."

"I told you though, I kept it hidden."

"I still should've at least asked if you were alright. I always asked if you were unharmed, but never alright. There is a big difference between the two."

"Still...I'm sorry I shushed you."

"Never mind that."

"So, what should we do first, Chief?"

"Call Colonel K. I'll have you explain your situation to him while I set about putting everything away. You'll still be supervised that way."

"Okay."

He scooped up Penfold, slid off the bed and carried him out of the room.

"Erm, I can walk, Chief."

"I know. But, please allow me this?"

"Alright."

DMEP

" _Great Scot!_ I say, good thing you called the flat by mistake, Penfold!" Colonel K exclaimed after Danger Mouse briefly explained the situation. "What will you two be doing?"

"For now, Colonel, I ask that you please continue speaking with Penfold about therapy options until I return. I will be putting away anything that could cause harm," Danger Mouse requested.

"Right-o, DM. You do what you must. Now, Penfold, you'll have to explain what started all of this in the first place so we can find the right help."

"Yes, Sir."

Danger Mouse took that opportunity to head into the kitchen.

DMEP

"All knives are in the highest cupboard, cleaning products have been locked away, there is a padlock on the oven so only I can open it with the key...now for the bathroom." Danger Mouse left the kitchen. He could hear Penfold and Colonel K still speaking with each other.

He entered the bathroom and saw it was tidy. "Now then, I need to lock away the medications. I believe I have a combination lock for the cabinet." He reached into the pouch on the utility belt strapped around his waist and found what he was after. "I never thought I would be spending any of my mornings doing this." He fastened the lock. "But, this is necessary." He picked up the shampoo, conditioner, soap and bubble bath, then set them on a high shelf. "Hmm, the razors are in the medicine cabinet. They should be fine there. Right, next is the laundry."

DMEP

"So, that's really how I have been feeling, Sir."

"Hm, I see. I'll get in touch with Dr. Moore and see if he can see you and DM."

"The chief too? Why, Sir?"

"Because this will also affect him. He'll be needing help to sort his own feelings on this."

"I see."

"In the meantime, both of you will be declared Unfit for Duty until you are cleared by Dr. Moore."

"Oh, crumbs. I don't think DM will like that."

"Actually, it's understandable in these circumstances," Danger Mouse remarked as he approached the hamster. "I understand I will be seeing Dr. Moore as well, Colonel?"

"Right, DM, just to make sure you are able to find ways to cope with this too," Colonel K replied.

"I understand, Sir, and would be more than happy to see him."

"Good show. Have you finished making the flat safe?"

"I just need to take care of Penfold's room, but would rather do that with him so I don't feel I am invading his privacy."

"Right, very good then. Over and around the bend."

"Over and _out_ , Sir."

"Isn't that what I said?" The screen changed to static before going blank.

Penfold looked up at Danger Mouse. "What would we need to take care of in my room?"

"For starters, any of your ties and belts would serve as risks at the moment. There may also be some of your toys." He put a paw to his chin. "Come to think of it, the same applies for your linen."

"Is there anything that can be done about that?"

"Since you need constant supervision anyway, you'll be sleeping in my room."

"Every night?"

"Until you've been cleared as no longer a hazard to yourself."

"Oh, crumbs..." He hung his head. "I'm sorry for being such a nuisance."

"A nuisance?" He stepped forward, knelt down and drew the hamster into an embrace. "You're not being a nuisance. I just want to make sure you stay safe, that's all. Every precaution must be taken."

"I know, but since even you've been declared Unfit for Duty because of me...I've done it again..."

"No, Penfold. It's not like that. Colonel K is worried that my current mental state would be the main hinderance to any upcoming missions."

"It's only like that because of me though."

"Maybe so. Penfold, stop."

"I wasn't going anywhere."

"No, you were going to blame yourself again."

"But, it's true though. If I hadn't been like this..."

"That may be true."

"See? If I hadn't called here last night..."

"No, that's _not_ true. If you hadn't called here, if you had followed through...I already told you, I would've followed. I would've been in far worse condition than I am now."

"How...how bad is it?"

"My condition doesn't matter as much as yours does. You're the one wanting to die, not me. I would've wanted to if you had."

"It still matters, DM. Colonel K made it clear you'll need help too. Please, DM, be honest."

"Alright. I'm scared. I'm very, very scared. I found it hard to sleep last night, even while holding you. I kept waking, thinking I had been too late. It would take some time for me to realise I was still holding you. Even then, I would need to make sure you were sleeping, not...you know."

"Mm."

"I could wrap this place in bubblewrap and still be fretful for your safety. I would then consider that to be unsafe. I don't know if sleep will ever come easily again. I will just want to stay awake the whole time, just to make absolutely sure that when morning arrived, you would wake up."

"I'm sorry for putting you through this."

"It's because I care about you, Penfold. I told you, I love you. I don't want to lose you."

"Even so, DM..." His stomach chose that moment to grumble. "Cor, I forgot I didn't eat last night."

"That makes two of us. Come on, I'll get us some breakfast."

"But, isn't that what I should be doing?"

"Not when we need to keep you safe. Hmm, that's another thought..."

"What is?"

"The lift and the stairs. They can also be potential hazards right now."

DMEP

Danger Mouse let out a quiet sigh. Penfold had fallen asleep. "I know I am being a bit too overbearing on him right now, but I must do what I can to keep him safe." He wrapped an arm around his assistant's shoulders and held him close to his side. "He is already getting tired of it, I just know it. But...I'd rather have him cross with me than have him at risk of hurting himself." He thought back to earlier that afternoon.

 ** _"Oh, fiddle, DM, this is going too far! I'm going to be supervised by you, aren't I? I won't throw myself down the stairs or jump off the lift!"_**

 _ **"I know that, Penfold, but even so..."**_

 _ **"Look, DM, I know you want to keep me safe. I appreciate your concern. But, now you're just being too paranoid."**_

 _ **He felt frustrated. He was just trying to keep Penfold safe. The hamster claimed he knew it, but did he understand it?**_

 _ **"I really do feel like you're treating me like a child! You may as well call in a baby-proofing professional for this! They'd be doing the same job anyway!"**_

 _ **"Now, Penfold, this is different to that."**_

 _ **"Is it? Don't they try to make places safe so babies and small children can't get hurt or killed? Isn't that what you're doing to the place right now?"**_

 _ **"Well, of course it is, but..."**_

 _ **"You see? You really are treating me like some stupid child who wouldn't know better! I can't do anything around here without you hovering over my shoulder! I'm supposed to be your assistant, remember? My job is to help out around here when off the field!"**_

 _ **"You're not working right now, don't you get it? Right now, we are just a mouse and a hamster that live together and are best friends! There is no Chief and Assistant going on between us, just Danger Mouse and Penfold!"**_

 _ **"I should still be doing something around here! I live here too!"**_

 _ **"Penfold, you don't understand..."**_

 _ **"What don't I understand?"**_

 _ **"You really don't. Forget about it. Fighting over this is ridiculous."**_

 _ **"Oh, so you're now saying I am ridiculous?"**_

 _ **"You're putting words in my mouth."**_

 _ **"Admit it, you think I am ridiculous, useless, and nothing but an annoyance!"**_

 _ **"I don't! Good**_ _grief_ _ **, Penfold, open your blooming ears and**_ _listen_ _ **to me! I am doing this to keep you safe! You know that, right?"**_

 _ **"Of course, I mean, I'm not stupid."**_

 _ **"I didn't say you were. But, you don't seem to understand why I am doing this."**_

 _ **"Then, why don't you enlighten me?"**_

 _ **"Just saying it won't make you understand. I have been saying it all morning."**_

 _ **"Danger Mouse, you need to tell me again. What don't I understand about you being paranoid?"**_

 _ **"Paranoid? You really think I am being paranoid right now?"**_

 _ **"If the shoe fits..."**_

 _ **"Well, maybe it may seem like paranoia."**_

 _ **"It doesn't**_ _seem_ _ **like it, it**_ _is_ _ **paranoia! Tell me, make me understand why you are doing this."**_

 _ **"Alright, but you still may not, no matter how many times I tell you."**_

 _ **"I'm not stupid, I'll understand."**_

 _ **"Again, I didn't say you were. You already know the situation. You are suicidal and you need to be kept safe."**_

 _ **"Who said I was suicidal right now?"**_

 _ **"I already told you it doesn't go away overnight! Just because right now you don't feel like jumping in the Thames or taking a rope and...no, I can't even say it... Just because you don't feel like that right now, it does not mean your suicidal thoughts have vanished. That's why I am taking every possible precaution to make sure when the thoughts come back stronger, there is no possible way for you to act on them."**_

 _ **"I know that."**_

 _ **"But, you don't understand it."**_

 _ **"Look, DM, you're not the one who has been feeling useless for a few years."**_

 _ **"No. I wouldn't even begin to know how that feels."**_

 _ **"Then, stop trying to."**_

 _ **"I'm not trying to."**_

 _ **"Then, what are you doing?"**_

 _ **"You may have felt useless for a few years, but I am still scared that you would leave**_ _forever_ _ **!"**_

 _ **"DM..."**_

 _ **"I could've lost you! Penfold, I could've lost you last night! Why else would I be acting this way?"**_

 _ **"But, this feeling is new."**_

 _ **"It's not. Every dangerous mission we've had...rather, every mission we've had, when your life has been in jeopardy, I would start worrying about the**_ _what if_ _ **s. When Greenback got you and threatened your life, I was filled with dread. Last night, when you called saying you were contemplating suicide, I was certain my heart would stop. Now that the fear has almost become reality, I can't..." He shook his head. "I**_ _can't_ _ **, Penfold."**_

 _ **His eyes widened. "You've felt this way for so long? Then, how did you manage?"**_

 _ **"Things worked out. Last night, it wasn't Greenback or Crumhorn or anybody like that. It was you. I could fight them and rescue you, but how could I rescue you from your thoughts? The most I can do is make sure you are kept safe. That's why I am going so far. I'm sorry it annoys you, I'm sorry it makes you feel worse. I don't want to do that to you. I just..."**_

 _ **"I'm sorry, DM. I didn't realise this was why..." He embraced him and felt it being returned firmly.**_

 _ **Tears filled his eye, one slipped down his cheek. "I just don't want to lose you..."**_

 _ **"Crumbs, I feel terrible now. You're only trying to help, and I started yelling at you for it."**_

 _ **"We both did some shouting there, Penfold. It will be alright."**_

He felt tears in his eye again, so he quickly swiped them away. "No, stop that. We've both done what we must to ensure Penfold stays safe." He was somewhat glad he had been declared Unfit for Duty. There was no way he could ever focus on a mission during such a time. "Penfold and I both need to make sure we are in the best possible condition before we can return to the field."

DMEP

 _So, help has been discussed, but there is still a long way to go for both of our heroes. Look forward to another installment of this story._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** _**A symptom of Depression, even during times when suicidal thoughts are becoming prominent, is irritability. That's why I have Penfold getting irritated with DM about the measures he is taking to keep him safe. DM's own struggles with it aren't canon, but in his field of work, it would not surprise me if his mind did enter dark voids in the past.**_

 _ **The next chapter will focus more on Penfold and the beginning to his recovery. Why did I have this one focus so heavily on DM? To show he was also greatly affected by all of this. This serves as the beginning to the aftermath of what could've been a tragedy.**_

 _ **For those of you expressing concern, the truth is I am not alright. However, I have my safety plan in effect to make sure there is no way I can follow through with my thoughts. But, thank you for caring.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading. You don't have to review, but if you want to say something, please don't flame. Constructive criticism is fine though.**_


	3. 03 - Therapy for Penfold

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall. I do own Dr. Moore._

 **Notes:** _**Penfold's therapy is about to begin. I decided following this, seeing as Danger Mouse isn't coping too well, he would be needing some help too. There is a reason why Dr. Moore decides on giving them two types of sessions.**_

 _ **Same warnings apply. Still just platonic.**_

 _ **Please enjoy!**_

 _ **(Linebreaks really hate me so I will use**_ _DMEP_ _ **)**_

DMEP

 _Later that afternoon, our heroes receive a call from Colonel K informing them help has been found._

"So, I spoke with Dr. Moore and he said he would be happy to see both of you as soon as possible. I've arranged for him to visit your flat as he prefers working with patients in comforting surroundings," Colonel K reported.

"That's wonderful news, Colonel. Did he say when he would arrive?"

"Hmm, should be right about now, I believe."

Just as that sentence was uttered, there was a chime of the doorbell.

Penfold stirred and woke up. "I'll get the door, shall I?"

"No, you stay right where you are, Penfold. I'll answer the door," Danger Mouse responded. He went to do exactly that.

"How are you feeling at the moment, Penfold?" Colonel K queried.

"Not too shabby right now, Sir," the hamster replied. "I just wish DM wasn't being so overbearing at the moment."

"Well, he has good reason to be."

"I don't like it, Sir. I'll put up with it, but I don't like it."

"Hm."

"Colonel, Dr. Moore has arrived," Danger Mouse reported. He was followed by a black-furred gerbil wearing a green, knitted vest, white shirt, black tie and a pair of tiny spectacles.

"Right, good show. Dr. Moore, I'll leave them to you. Over and up."

"That's over and _out_ , Sir." He watched as the screen changed to static before going blank. He then turned to the gerbil. "Dr. Moore, welcome to our flat. I thank you for coming on such short notice."

"It is quite alright, my young mouse. This is a very dire situation. Please go and sit beside your friend, I want to explain to both of you how my sessions will work." He followed the mouse to the sofa, waited until he was seated beside the hamster, cleared his throat and began to speak. "Now then, I will be conducting two forms of therapy. There will be one-on-one with each of you to try to work through your individual concerns. There will also be partner therapy. For that, I will see both of you at the same time."

"Why the partner therapy too, Doctor?" Penfold asked.

"So you can work through this together. You have your own concerns that must be worked through, but it is also important you learn to better communicate your issues in a controlled setting." He set his bag down, unlatched it and pulled out a manilla folder. "Hm, I have both of your details here, please correct me if I am wrong. The first patient I am to see is Mr. Ernest Penfold to help him through some recent suicidal ideations, am I correct?"

"They're not really that recent. I considered acting on them last night, but they've been around for a while."

"Hm, I see. It may take a while for us to get through them. It shouldn't take too long if you agree to be open about everything. Our sessions are confidential, and since I am the agency's psychiatrist, you do not have to worry about compromising yourself."

"I understand."

"Good. The other patient I am to see is, of course, you." He looked to Danger Mouse. "Mainly for coping with this?"

"Yes. But, there's more to it." He looked to his paws. "I want to make sure my own past feelings aren't brought back in such a severe manner."

"Hm. I see." He opened the folder. "Oh yes, I understand. You have a past history with suicidal tendencies. Very well. For now, I would like to speak with Mr. Penfold alone. Is there a room we can do that?"

"His own bedroom."

Penfold nodded. "I'd be comfortable in there."

Dr. Moore also nodded. He slipped the folder back into his bag. "Then, if you would please lead the way, Mr. Penfold?"

The hamster slid off the sofa seat and made his way to his bedroom, the gerbil not far behind.

Danger Mouse watched them leave before sighing and putting his face in his paws.

DMEP

Dr. Moore noticed Penfold did appear more relaxed as soon as the hamster sat at the head of the bed. "You can recline if you'd like. No need to be formal around me. I see you have a teddy bear?"

"Yes."

"If you need to cuddle it, don't hold back. As I said, you need to be comfortable. It will allow you to be more open about what we are discussing." He pulled a folder out of his bag and opened it. "I see in your history, your means of joining the agency are different to the standard?"

"Yes. I was out shopping, but got too scared, so they planned on mailing me back home. They dropped me in here, thinking it was just an ordinary pillar-box. DM helped nurse me back to health, and during that time, he considered taking me on as his assistant."

"How did he come to make that decision?"

"Our conversation when I finally came to. I told him I wanted to be a secret agent, but I'm a coward so it was impossible for me."

"Hm, I see."

"I didn't do a good job. In fact, I was sure DM was gonna throw me out before the end of the week."

"What happened then?"

"He and Colonel K decided to ask me what I wanted to do. I decided I wanted to stay on as his assistant."

"That's surprising."

"What is?"

"They gave you the choice. It doesn't normally work like that. In ordinary circumstances, you'd just be let go."

"I know. But, they gave me the choice anyway."

He brought out a pen and made notes in the little notebook concealed by the folder. "Why did you decide to stay in this position?"

"Even my regular life was scary. In fact, without someone like DM by my side, it was worse."

"So, Mr. Mouse means a great deal to you?"

"He was my first true friend, and has been my best friend for years."

More scribing. "Now then, we need to start talking about what caused you to feel suicidal as soon as possible."

"So, you can be done with my sessions quicker?"

"The sooner you are able to work through them, the better it will be. Don't think of it as me trying to get rid of you, but more as you needing to find a way to continue living without causing more concern. So, I was told briefly by Colonel K that a lot of it comes from a feeling of uselessness."

Penfold nodded. He reached to his nightstand, picked up his teddy bear and hugged it close to his chest. "It does. See, on every mission, I am always the one caught in traps the rotters set, or I am kidnapped and used for bait, or I am just unable to do anything at all to help. I sometimes come up with ideas that seem silly, and DM laughs. I know he doesn't mean anything by it, but...well, it hurts."

"His laughing at your ideas hurts your feelings?"

"Yes. I try to do right by him. I know those times my suggestions were silly, normally I would want to laugh too. But, they were the best ideas I could come up with."

"Can you give me an example?"

"Well, one time we came to a sealed cave, so I suggested we say _Open, Sesame_. I know how silly that sounds. DM promised he wouldn't laugh, but did anyway. He stopped as soon as he saw it worked and praised me, but the damage was done."

More scribing. "This is something you'll need to bring up in the partner therapy sessions. What else brought about these feelings?"

"I already told you I was certain I would've been booted out by the end of the week when I first started as DM's assistant. I messed up a lot. Nearly destroyed some of his suits, messed up the simulation mission with my cowardice...only thing I could do right was make a cup of tea. I got better as time passed, but I think that was when it all started."

"Have there been other thoughts that accompany those feelings of uselessness?"

"I feel like I am a hinderance and an annoyance too."

"A hinderance?"

"I already mentioned getting caught on every mission. The time it takes for DM to rescue me, the rotters use that to get away. DM already knows how I feel about it, but he keeps telling me he would never leave me behind. It means a lot he says that, but I don't matter. He needs to be able to get the rotters before they do untold damage to the world."

"Can you give me an example of this?"

"On one of our missions, there had been an earthquake. Greenback and his group got away because we had to leave the building before it came down on us. On our way out, some debris knocked me down, then landed on my arm and leg. DM had to help me up and out of there. Because he had to take some time to rescue me, the rotters got away."

"In a situation like that, it would be understandable for him to go back and save you."

"I know! But, because he wasted time saving my life, by the time we got out, the Mark III was damaged. He could use the communications system to call for help, but he was unable to drive or fly it, so he couldn't go after Greenback."

"What were your thoughts about that?"

"It would've been better if he just left me there to be crushed. I caused a failed mission."

"Mr. Penfold, that was not you. It was the earthquake."

"DM told me the same thing. But, I still would've been okay with being crushed to death if it meant DM could succeed in his mission."

"Something tells me he would feel otherwise. It sounds like you've been carrying these feelings for a long time."

"I am happy DM rescues me, but there are too many times it means the mission is a failure because the rotters take that opportunity to get away."

"Did something happen to cause you to come to the conclusion drowning yourself would be a better solution?"

"Yes. It was another failed mission. The whole time, I just kept getting caught in traps, I was caught by Stiletto, DM had to save me more times than I can count on my paws. I could tell he was getting frustrated about it. That was when I realised that I was nothing more than an annoyance."

"Has it occured to you his annoyance wasn't concerning you, but concerning the methods Greenback and his group were using?"

"I tried thinking that, but DM would always let out a frustrated sigh after saving me."

"This is something else we will have to bring up in the partner therapy. Did you give any signs at all as to what you had planned?"

"No. In fact, DM thought I was just popping out to go to the shops. He teased me when I left."

"Teased you?"

"Oh, don't take that the wrong way, it was a _friendly_ tease! I only brought that up because it meant DM had no idea what I had planned."

"I see. How did he find out?"

"I was trying to call _Keep Fighting_ , I was starting to have second thoughts. But, I called here instead."

"What was his response?"

"He acted like he was someone from that helpline, then asked where I was and told me to stay there. He arrived, just as I planned on jumping in the Thames."

"Despite your second thoughts, it seems you were willing to follow through."

"Yes."

"Is the house safe for you at the moment?"

He pouted. "Maybe _too_ safe. It wasn't enough he had to lock away everything, but he even took away my ties and belts, he won't let me out of his sight unless I am with someone else..."

"Do you understand why?"

"I do. It doesn't make it less-frustrating though. We had a big fight about it earlier too."

"A fight?"

"Mostly yelling at each other. I...I did most of the yelling, called him paranoid..."

"I see. This is yet another subject to bring up in partner therapy. Our first session is about to come to an end. Is there anything you would like to say before we wrap things up?"

"Yes. Is it true suicidal thoughts don't go away overnight? I don't feel like doing anything to myself right now."

"It's true. Just because you don't feel it now, it doesn't mean those thoughts won't return, say maybe, later this evening, if not tomorrow. That's why Mr. Mouse is being so cautious and why I wanted to try to get to the root of your issues as soon as possible. You've given me a lot I can work with. Alright, our first session has come to an end. I thank you for being such a co-operative patient."

"Thank you for listening and not judging."

"That's the best way to help you. Now, I need to speak with Mr. Mouse next, but he said he would rather you not be alone. Is there someone who can stay with you for an hour?"

"Might need to get in touch with Colonel K. Even if we don't talk or anything like that."

"Very well then. Let's go and try working that out."

The hamster nodded, slipped off his bed and placed his teddy bear on his nightstand. "See you soon, Teddy." He led the gerbil out of the room.

DMEP

To the hamster's surprise, there was someone else in the living room. It was a squirrel. "Sir, we have company?"

Danger Mouse and the squirrel looked to the hamster. "Agent 57 was informed of the situation and agreed to help supervise you during my sessions."

Dr. Moore nodded. "I was wondering if something had been worked out. I've finished seeing Mr. Penfold for now, it's your turn, Mr. Mouse. Where would you like to have your session?"

"My room, if you please. It's this way." He rose to his feet and approached the hamster and gerbil. He placed a paw on the hamster's shoulder, gave it a gentle squeeze, then led the gerbil down the passageway.

Penfold went to the sofa and sat down. He could feel Agent 57 sitting beside him. "How much do you know?"

"Just that you considered drowning yourself in the Thames and are now under watch," the squirrel responded. "I don't need to know more than that, but if you want to talk, I'll listen. You're a good chap, Penfold, I would've been saddened to hear of you leaving the world too soon."

"Thank you for caring. You're not going to lecture me?"

"Lecture?"

"About how I would be leaving DM behind, about how he isn't coping too well with all of this..."

"You already know it, you don't need a lecture. Besides, it sounds like you have enough to worry about if you were about to do that."

DMEP

 _We've seen Penfold is now on the road to recovery. It's a long road, but one he must travel. Hopefully, he arrives at his intended destination. There is more to come, please look forward to it._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** _**So, while this may seem short, Penfold's session went for an hour. Having been through enough therapy myself, I've noticed the more you talk, the shorter it feels, but the less you talk, the longer it feels dragged out. (I'm someone who can't talk too well, so my sessions dragged.) I felt it appropriate for the sessions to be in environments they'd feel most comfortable in because the ease that comes from it does help someone feel more open. I remember being encouraged to bring in stuffed animals to my sessions in the past to give me something to help me feel more at ease.**_

 _ **I decided to bring in Agent 57 because he seems to be a good friend to Danger Mouse in the series, someone he can trust with his life. Even though there is no mission, Agent 57 would still want to help in anyway he could.**_

 _ **I don't know if a partner therapy session would really exist outside of couple's therapy for married couples going through rough patches, but I feel like it would be important for DM and Penfold to have a shared session as well so they can both be more open about everything in a controlled setting. As in, if some of what was brought up could cause a fight, there is someone to pacify the situation before it gets worse, at the same time there to offer advice and such.**_

 _ **The reason I am writing this is because I had been encouraged in the past to write how I feel, even in fanfiction form, if I need to. My therapists and I call these**_ _therapy fics_ _ **and either come in the form of private self-inserts, or putting characters through similar situations so I can try to work through them. Penfold's feelings of uselessness, being nothing more than an annoyance and hinderance, those are feelings I often carry. But, I am not entirely framing this on my own background, otherwise there would be a lot more to it.**_

 _ **You may have been picking up hints to past fics of mine. Of course, there is**_ _Nightmare_ _ **(when a nightmare is mentioned and DM feels more at ease with Penfold with him, knowing he's safe),**_ _Thank You_ _ **(my interpretation of how Penfold became DM's assistant, based off the information in a book called**_ _The Danger Mouse Files_ _ **) and**_ _Soothing Comfort_ _ **(the earthquake during a mission).**_

 _ **Next up, we have Danger Mouse starting his therapy with Dr. Moore.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading. You don't have to review, but if you choose to say something, then please don't flame. Constructive criticism is okay though.**_


	4. 04 - A Peek into DM's Past

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall. I do own Dr. Moore and Agent 32._

 **Notes:** _**The story is getting darker with this chapter. DM's past mentioned here is not canon. I blame it on where my mind is right now.**_

 _ **New warnings: Mentions of self-harm, attempted suicide, torture, death.**_

 _ **Still platonic.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy.**_

 _ **(Linebreaks really hate me so I will use**_ _DMEP_ _ **)**_

DMEP

 _When we last left our heroes, we saw Penfold had started his therapy, allowing him to take the first step on the road to recovery. Of course, he is not the only one who needs it._

"No need to be formal with me, Mr. Mouse, you may lie down if it makes you comfortable," Dr. Moore stated as he sat by the bed.

"In that case, I think I just may take you up on that offer," Danger Mouse responded. He reclined on his bed, pillow under his head. He linked his fingers together and rested his paws on his chest.

"Right then, where would you like to start?"

"I'm not exactly sure. I want to talk about last night, but I feel it might be better to go back to the past."

"Hmm..." He looked in the mouse's file. "I have enough information on that, but if you'd rather talk about it first, then please go ahead."

"Oh. If that's the case, then I will talk about last night. I'm sorry, my mind is in a bit of a muddle right now."

"It's quite alright. You're going through some difficult feelings which have stirred old ones. I know some of the story from Mr. Penfold's view, but could you please share yours? What happened?"

"As I recall, it was a quiet afternoon. I thought Penfold was just popping out to go down to the shops. When bidding him goodbye, I called _try not to get too frightened_ , as a slight tease. He didn't respond. He told me this morning he knew I meant nothing by it, and that it made his decision harder. But, I still feel awful that those could've been my last words to him. Not _be safe, Penfold_ or _I shall see you soon then, shall I?_ or anything of the sort, but slightly teasing him. I was in the middle of a workout when I heard the phone ringing. I hurried to answer it, wondering just who it could be. You see, Colonel K uses the telecommunication system instead of the phone, it's to ensure we can always answer it in time. Very few know our phone number."

"I see. So, you answered the phone?"

"Yes, just in time. I heard Penfold asking if he had called _Keep Fighting_. Needless to say, that set off alarms in my mind. I know they are a suicide helpline. For a second, I debated telling him he had called our flat, but there was a feeling if I had, he would've hung up. That may have been the last I heard of him. The next time the phone would ring would be to say...to say that he...I'm sorry, I'm starting to get a bit emotional."

"There is no judgement here. If you feel like you need to cry, then just cry. It will help."

"Alright. So, because I knew that, I decided to play along with the lie. I had to find out why Penfold was calling them. It took all I had to not start telling him what he said was far from the truth. If I had, I would've blown my cover, and again...well... After I heard enough, I had him tell me where he was, told him to wait and not act on his thoughts. I hurried down to the garage and to the Thames before I was too late. The whole time, my heart was pounding harder and harder by the second. I had never felt such fright in my life, and there have been enough times I should've."

"What happened when you got there?"

"When I arrived, I saw Penfold standing by the edge of the river. He was ready to jump in, I just know it. I hurried to him, wrapped my arms around him and pleaded that he not do it. We spoke for a short while, cried and then I carried him home."

"Did you not have the car? Why did you carry him?"

"Because I had come so close to losing him, I couldn't let him go."

"It sounds like he means a great deal to you." Dr. Moore was writing more notes.

"He does. I love him. He's my best friend, the truest friend I ever had."

"You love him, you say?"

"Oh, not in a romantic sense. At least, I don't think it is. No, it's more of a platonic love. Like he's family."

"I see."

"I often tell him that I can't even begin to imagine what my life would be like if he wasn't part of it. He knows he means a lot to me. I feel if I had told him much more then maybe he... It probably sounds silly."

"Not at all. That is a common mindset for those who either lost someone or almost lost someone to suicide. That if they had been told more times how important they were to the individual, they may not have done it. It doesn't quite work that way though. I'm sure you know that from your own experience."

"That's true."

"I understand you've gone to great lengths to keep him safe?"

"Of course. First thing this morning, I told him what had to be done. He's not entirely pleased with me about it. We had a bit of a quarrel earlier concerning it. I might seem like I am being paranoid, but I just want to make sure he is safe. Is that really so wrong?"

"Not at all. We'll be bringing this up in partner therapy so you two can continue discussing it."

"I locked away anything that could be a potential risk. I'm going to keep an eye on him all the time. We'll be sharing baths so I can be ensured he won't try drowning himself in the tub. There will be privacy when he uses the john, but I'll still be standing outside and we'll be talking just so I know he's alright. He'll be sleeping with me until he's no longer a hazard to himself."

"Hm." More scribing.

"Does it seem like I am going too far?"

"To some, it may. But, you've been through those feelings before, you know what to expect from it. It's only natural you want to make sure all precautions are taken."

"Having him sharing the bed with me will also bring me peace of mind. This has happened before."

"Him being suicidal?"

"No. Us sharing the bed so I can be rest assured he will still wake up in the morning."

"How did that happen?"

"I had one nasty nightmare that involved him being killed during a mission. It really shook me up. I would normally dismiss it as nonsense and go right back to sleep, but it got to me for some reason. So, I went to check on him, to make sure he was safe. I'll admit, I held him and cried when I saw my nightmare really had been just that. He suggested we share the bed so I would be able to sleep after that. Last night, I was the one to suggest he share the bed with me."

"You were really shaken by last night's events then."

"Rather."

"I see. Mr. Mouse, you mentioned you're worried your dark thoughts may make a comeback because of this. Why is that?"

"Because of how quickly I declared that if Penfold had succeeded in drowning himself, I would've followed him."

"His death would've resulted in you doing that as well?"

"No question."

"Why exactly is that?"

"To me, a life without Penfold in it is one I find not worth living."

"Then, he really does mean a lot to you. Mr. Mouse, I see here that it was a death that first led to your own ideations."

"Yes. It was a senior agent when I had first started as a trainee."

"Would you be willing to share what happened?"

"I have to anyway. We were on a mission, one of the most dangerous a trainee would ever be assigned to. In fact, I have been the only trainee agent in the history of the agency to have gone on such a mission. Not even my parents did so."

"Oh, I see. Yes, they are both agents too. Carry on, Mr. Mouse."

"I messed up and almost compromised the mission. I got a bit too eager, started getting ahead of myself. We were caught. Agent 32, the one I was accompanying, kept telling them to leave me alone, that I was just some child who got caught up in things but had nothing to do with him. I wanted to protest that I was actually a trainee agent, but he wouldn't allow me to get a word in edgewise. By then..." He shook his head, tightening the grip of his paws. "They decided the best punishment for me, for some dumb child who got caught up in everything, was to watch a secret agent be tortured to death. I knew what they really had in mind. They wanted me to blow my cover and admit I was working with him. Before he was taken away, Agent 32 told me to stay quiet, no matter what they did to him. It was brutal. I really would rather not describe it."

"Then, for your sake, _don't_."

"I was so close to breaking and screaming I was with him. But, at that moment, some back-up arrived. It was too late. Though they managed to apprehend those ruthless criminals, it was too late for Agent 32. I was told not to blame myself. He told me that himself with his dying breath. I felt like I really was responsible for it. If I had said something sooner, he would not have been subjected to that. Other agents tried telling me we both would've been killed if I had said anything, and I would always respond I wished I had been. I was some immature rookie who thought he knew everything, and in the end, it got Agent 32 killed." He squeezed his eye shut. "By that point, I was fargone. I couldn't focus on my duties, I was declared Unfit for Duty. I deserved that, I knew it. I...I actually..."

"How severe did it get before then?"

"I had started harming myself. I kept it hidden from everyone else, so they never suspected it. A doctor said I was going through grief, not knowing the full story, so he didn't do anything. It got worse and then, one day, I just decided...it would be better if I was gone. I attempted, but was found before it was too late."

"Who found you?"

"Agent 57."

"The agent currently with Mr. Penfold?"

"Yes. He was another trainee at the time, we were room-mates. When I regained consciousness in the hospital, he yelled at me for letting myself fall so far and begged to let him help me. I agreed, I owed him that much. Just like how Penfold reacted to my precautions, I was the same with Agent 57. But, I soon realised why he went so far. Those thoughts would often return. Instead of turning to a razor, I went to him and told him everything I was feeling. He helped me through it. Since then, we've had a strong bond built on trust. If there was anybody else I would leave Penfold alone with, it would always be him."

"Have you told Mr. Penfold any of this?"

"He knows I was suicidal in the past, but not all of this."

"Maybe you should consider sharing your experience with him. Help him know for certain that he is not alone in this. You're both fighting through a difficult time, make sure he knows you're with him every step of the way. Tell him again and again."

"I will. Would it be appropriate to share what I just told you though?"

"Yes. You'll be sharing your experience with him, not to make him feel worse, but to let him know you've been there, done that and have come through. The fact that you stayed on as a secret agent, even after that, shows you were able to work through it all."

"It took a long time, but yes."

"Our time is almost up. Is there anything else you'd like to say?"

"I haven't talked about my own attempt for years. I have to admit it opened up a can of worms in my mind."

"That is understandable. But, I think you'll find that talking about it instead of repressing it is the only way to really find peace with it. Alright, time for this session is over. Do you feel up for having partner therapy now? Or should it wait until tomorrow?"

"I feel like the sooner we do it, the better. I'll just be needing a few minutes. Can I please have some time to recover before then?"

"Feel free to take a few minutes. I'll meet you in the lounge room." He rose to his feet and made his way out of the room.

Danger Mouse inhaled deeply before sighing out a quiet sob. He never thought he would be reliving those memories again.

DMEP

Penfold and Agent 57 looked up at the gerbil and were surprised to see him alone. "Where's DM?" Penfold asked.

"Our session got a bit too intense, so he needs a minute to calm down before we begin partner therapy."

"Should I go check on him?"

"If you want to, but it might be better to give him a minute first."

Agent 57 frowned. He had a feeling he knew what had been brought up. He knew he couldn't ask the gerbil though; doctor and patient confidentiality would keep him from saying anything. "Go to him, Penfold. I think he really needs you right now."

"Right." Penfold got to his feet and hurried to Danger Mouse's bedroom.

DMEP

 _It seems there is more to this for Danger Mouse than what we already know. Now, it seems the tables are turned, and Penfold will be needing to help him. Can he? What does Agent 57 feel about all of this? Find out next time._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** _**I told you, didn't I? I did warn you things were getting darker. My mind is in a dark place, but none of what happened is actually reflecting my own issues. Because I don't know a lot about Agent 57, aside from him being an agent and master of disguise, I decided to make him part of DM's past. Reason being they really do have that fondness and firm trust between each other.**_

 _ **Next chapter will have DM sharing his past with Penfold.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading. You don't have to review, but if you do decide to say something, please don't flame. Constructive criticism is fine however.**_


	5. 05 - Understanding Shared Pain

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall. I do own Dr. Moore and Agent 32._

 **Notes:** _**More of Danger Mouse's darkened past is being revealed, this time to Penfold.**_

 _ **Warnings: Mentions of self-harm, torture, attempted suicide, death.**_

 _ **Still platonic, though they are starting to get affectionate, but no romance.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy this.**_

 _ **(Linebreaks still hate me, so I will use**_ _DMEP_ _ **)**_

DMEP

 _Last time, we found out a dark secret about Danger Mouse's past, and it looks like it is Penfold's turn to learn of it too._

Penfold stood at the bedroom door. He could already hear the quiet sobs sounding from his best friend, and the door wasn't even open. _This isn't my fault, is it...?_ He reached up to the knob, turned it and stepped inside. "DM?"

The mouse paused in his weeping. "Oh! P-Penfold! Excuse me, I'm just..."

The hamster approached the bed, climbed onto it, lay down beside him and embraced him. "I'm sorry, DM."

"Wh-what?"

"I don't know what happened in here to make you this way, but I feel like if it hadn't been for me, you wouldn't be like this. I'm sorry."

"Oh. No, it's not exactly like that." He sniffed and returned the embrace. "Just some bad memories being revived."

"About your own past?"

"Mm-hm." He sighed and held the hamster close, placing a paw on the back of his head and holding him so their foreheads were touching. "A very difficult time. Dr. Moore suggested I share it with you."

"Eh? Um, if it's too hard to talk about, you don't have to."

"It's already out there anyway."

"But, DM, if it's what's made you so upset, maybe we should leave it for now."

"No. I need to tell you."

He bit his bottom lip. The concern in Agent 57's voice when telling him to hurry to Danger Mouse's side made it clear what was wrong was something very serious. "Agent 57 knows about this, doesn't he?"

"He was there through most of it."

He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he'd been the one to tell Danger Mouse not to talk about it if it was too much. "DM, I..."

"It's alright. I'll tell you. This happened years ago when I was still young. I was a trainee agent."

Penfold listened intently to what his best friend had to say.

DMEP

Agent 57 sighed before approaching Dr. Moore. "I know you can't discuss what you spoke of with DM. But, please at least tell me this much; is he in danger again?"

"There is a possibility. You might need to stay here. Just as he needs to keep an eye on Mr. Penfold, you may need to keep an eye on him."

"I thought as much."

DMEP

"That's when everything went wrong. You've already seen how eager I was when younger, right?"

"That time you were turned into a schoolboy and I was an old fellow?"

"Exactly. I got ahead of myself and got us caught."

"Chief..."

"Agent 32 tried to keep me safe by telling them I was just some child who got caught up in everything. I wanted to tell the truth, but he wouldn't let me get a word in. I think those fiends somehow suspected it, because they next decided the best way to punish me would be to have me watch Agent 32 be tortured to death."

Penfold inhaled sharply. He was starting to guess where the story was headed.

"I refuse to describe it, the memories are fresh enough in my mind, I don't want to put it into yours too. Back-up arrived, but by then, it was too late. Agent 32 told me with his dying breath that what happened was not my fault."

"Oh, DM..."

"Other agents tried telling me the same thing. I started falling into a very bad mindset. I tried seeking help from a doctor, but because they weren't through the agency, I couldn't say more than someone had died. They said it was just grief and did nothing. I got worse."

"How much worse, DM...?" He was whispering. He had a feeling he could guess how much worse.

He released him from his hold, sat up, rolled up his left sleeve and pushed aside the fur on his wrist. "I did this one night."

Penfold gasped. Tears filled his eyes as he saw the scar that had been hidden under his best friend's fur. "DM, I..."

"It didn't end there. That's only one of them. There are more that I will reveal later. For now, I want to keep my clothes on."

"Y-You don't have to show me them..."

"I feel like I must."

"It still got worse, didn't it?"

"It did. I actually attempted suicide one night. Agent 57 found me."

"Agent 57 did?"

"When I regained consciousness in the hospital, he gave me quite the tongue-lashing. I deserved it though. He begged for me to let him help me. I owed him that much, so I agreed to it. I was in hospital for a few days to have a psychological analysis. It was found I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression as a result of what had happened. When I returned, Agent 57 was putting a safety plan into action. The same way I have done for you. I wasn't entirely pleased at first. However, I came to realise what he had done really was for the best. I was starting to go downhill again, quite rapidly."

"Do you mean you considered attempting suicide again?"

"I do. I'd been going through therapy, but I was still struggling. Because of Agent 57's precautions, instead of turning to a razor, I turned to him. I talked about it, I cried and he listened and comforted me. He helped me through it when I felt most alone."

"DM..." He clung to the mouse and felt him return the embrace. "I'm so sorry! I have been such an idiot! No wonder you're going so far to keep me safe if you've been through something like that! I feel like my concerns are nothing compared to that! I'm..."

"Shh, don't feel like that, Penfold. Your concerns are still very worrisome. I'm not telling you my past to say _my problems were worse, get over it_ , I'm sharing it because I want you to know I really have been there. I want you to know that you're not going through this alone. I can understand those feelings of despair, of hopelessness. I can understand how it feels to think everything would be better if gone. If you ever feel like that again, Penfold, please come and talk to me. I'll listen to you, I'll hold you, cry with you, help you. You're my best friend, I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me anything. I don't want you to feel like you're alone when that couldn't be farther from the truth." He felt Penfold trembling and heard him let out quiet sobs. He bit his bottom lip and squeezed his eye shut, clinging to the hamster for dear life. "Penfold..."

DMEP

The sobs had silenced, but neither rodent moved. "I've been complaining about your safety measures, but now, I know otherwise. I'm sorry, DM. I'll put up with it."

"Thank you, Penfold."

"Is there any chance of you being in danger?"

"I'm hoping there isn't, but those memories have been revived."

"Then, we'll have to keep each other safe. I don't know how we can, but we'll have to."

"I know. Thank you for listening to me, Penfold."

"Just as you keep saying you want me to come to you if I need to talk, you should know you can do the same thing."

"Talk to myself? Wouldn't I seem a bit barmy?"

Penfold couldn't help but chuckle. "No, I mean come and talk to me."

"I know what you meant. Just trying to lighten the mood a little. It has been quite heavy."

"My fault there."

"We're both to blame."

"How? I mean, I was the one who started this with wanting to die."

"But, I still should've known better and prevented it from getting that far."

"I know you've been through it. But, I kept it hidden."

"So did I. That's why I should've realised sooner. I know how to keep it hidden. Come now, we shouldn't be fighting about this."

"Were we fighting?"

"Well, it was starting to become an _I blame myself for everything_ argument, at least." He pulled back slightly and gave Penfold a kiss on the forehead.

"What was that for?"

"Just feeling emotional right now, as well as thankful I have you as my best friend. That you're still here."

"Well...thanks, DM. Do you feel ready to come out now?"

"Yes. I'm ready now. Talking with you helped a lot more than crying by myself would've."

"Um, I'm sorry I just entered the room without knocking, but there was a feeling I should just enter."

"It's alright, Penfold. If you had knocked, I would more than likely have forced myself to calm down again. At least having you see me like that allowed me to feel a bit more open."

"I don't take pleasure in seeing you being vulnerable."

"Nor do I in regards to yourself. If anything, seeing you upset just breaks my heart."

"You too, DM."

"Well then, we'd best step out before Dr. Moore decides to leave."

"Are we having our partner therapy right now?"

"It would be better to get it done sooner than later. Why? Do you wish to postpone it?"

"I feel very tired right now. I just want to lie with you and get some sleep."

"I have to admit I feel the same. Then, let's go arrange a different time with Dr. Moore to return. We should also set Agent 57's mind at ease."

"Good point."

The embrace was broken, but they refused to let go of each other's paws as they left the room. Sharing the past helped Danger Mouse feel a bit closer to Penfold than he already had been.

DMEP

Agent 57 almost lost his composure upon seeing his old friend step out of the room. "DM! Are you alright now?"

"I will be, 57. I have Penfold to thank for that."

The squirrel looked down to the hamster and smiled tenderly. "Thank you."

"Is Dr. Moore still here?"

"He is."

"Good. We'll be needing to discuss having an appointment rescheduled."

"I'm guessing you would rather have partner therapy tomorrow after all?" Dr. Moore asked as he approached the other rodents.

"Yes. Penfold and I both feel too worn out to want to discuss more at the moment."

"Very good then. How about the same time tomorrow?"

"That would be fine, thank you. We'll be here all day."

"Right. After the session tomorrow, we can discuss what will happen next for both of you. For now though, I shall take my leave."

"Cheerio, Dr. Moore," Penfold called.

The gerbil tipped an imaginary hat, turned and made his way out the door.

Agent 57 looked slightly uneasy. "I can already guess what you and Dr. Moore discussed, DM. He didn't tell me any details, you don't have to worry about that. But, I could guess because you needed time to yourself after he stepped out."

"We did discuss that," Danger Mouse responded quietly.

"I thought as much. The memories are revived now?"

"All of them."

"I see." He inhaled deeply. "I know you need to keep Penfold safe, and surely he can do something to help you, but..."

Danger Mouse smiled softly and looked down to Penfold. "Would it be alright if Agent 57 used your room for the timebeing?"

Penfold nodded. "I'll be sleeping in your room anyway."

Agent 57 sighed in relief. "I wouldn't normally ask this, but with those memories being revived...I can't help but worry about a repeat of the past."

"It's understandable. You're welcome to stay here until you know we're both going to be alright," Danger Mouse responded.

"I'll still leave you two to have your baths, but, I just thought it might be a bit easier with a little extra help. For both of you."

"I'm thankful for it." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. "Those are for the locked cabinets. Also, you'll need to change the combination on the lock sealing the medicine cabinet. Thank you for staying, but don't you have missions to attend to?"

"I spoke with Colonel K not long after I sent Penfold in to check on you. He was also worried about those memories being revived, but since I did such a good job keeping you safe last time, he wants me to take a break from my missions to help you both get back into top mental condition." He noted the mouse and hamster both really did look exhausted. "For now, why don't you two get some rest? You look like you really need it. In the meantime, I'll take care of things around here."

"Right. Thanks, 57." He looked to his assistant. "Come along, Penfold."

Penfold nodded. "Right, Chief." He walked alongside Danger Mouse, returning to the bedroom.

DMEP

The mouse let out a yawn as he lay down on his back. The hamster cuddled up against his side, so he wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Rest well, Penfold."

"You too, DM." He stretched up and placed a tender kiss on the mouse's cheek.

"Hm? What was that for?"

"Just because I am so happy I have you as my best friend."

He smiled tenderly and closed his eye. "You too."

DMEP

In the living room, Agent 57 sat on the sofa, his head in his paws. He'd been hoping he would not have to repeat anything that happened years ago, but unfortunately, fate works that way. He only hoped he'd be able to help just as much as he had back then.

DMEP

 _With the pillar-box currently housing three residents who are sharing in deep pain, one has to wonder what will happen next. Will Agent 57 be able to help our heroes? Or will he find himself falling into despair? Let's hope not. Find out in the next installment._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** ** _So, now Penfold knows of DM's past and Agent 57 will be staying with them. I hadn't originally planned on that, but considering the current circumstances, it would be a good idea if he did. I'll try to keep him from falling into despair, just so someone hasn't. Of course, he will still find himself feeling a bit mentally drained at certain points._**

 ** _I referenced an episode at an earlier point in the chapter. The episode was_** _Tampering with Time Tickles_ _ **and was the one in which Greenback's time bombs turn Penfold into an elderly hamster and DM into a schoolboy.**_

 _ **You know, this is probably the only good thing about me having a dark mindset. The fact I can come up with darker stories like these instead of just lighthearted fluff.**_

 _ **As mentioned in the earlier notes, while DM and Penfold are showing affection, this is staying as a platonic fic. Romance is only in my reboot fics.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading. You don't have to review, but if you choose to say something, please do not flame. Constructive criticism is fine however.**_


	6. 06 - Shared Dreams, Baths and Bonds

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall. I do own Dr. Moore._

 **Notes:** ** _I suppose this could be considered a bit of a filler chapter before things pick up again. I wanted to have some more interaction between Danger Mouse and Agent 57 as well as a bit more exploration into Penfold's current mindset._**

 _ **Warnings: Mentions of self-harm, non-graphic suicide/death in a nightmare.**_

 _ **I promise, no matter how intimate they are, this is just platonic. No romance at all.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy this!**_

 _ **(Linebreaks hate me, so I will use**_ _DMEP_ _ **)**_

DMEP

 _As our heroes continue the nap they started last chapter, a strong feeling of unease returns._

"Penfold!" Danger Mouse's eye opened in a flash as his nightmare startled him awake. It was just like the night before. "Calm down, he's still here..." He sighed sadly as the thoughts of the nightmare returned to his mind.

 _ **Penfold stirred and woke up. He looked to the slumbering mouse and let out a low sigh. He carefully climbed out of his hold and off the bed, reaching up to the nightstand to get his spectacles. He just couldn't take it anymore.**_

 _No, stop. Don't make me think about it!_

 _ **He tiptoed out of the room, made sure nobody was around and headed into the kitchen to find his hidden stash of sweeties. Of course, it wasn't just sweeties in the bag. He had a feeling precautions would be taken if he'd failed the first time.**_

 _Stop it. Please..._

 _ **He found the large bag and dug into it, pulling out not a sweetie, but a smaller bag filled with pills. "This really is for the best." He opened the bag, tipped them into his mouth and swallowed them.**_

He held onto the hamster tightly as tears filled his eye for the umpteenth time that day. Forget the nightmare he'd had a while back, the newest one was definitely the most frightening.

 _ **"DM! COME QUICK, IT'S PENFOLD!" Agent 57 cried out from the kitchen.**_

 _ **Danger Mouse woke and realised the hamster wasn't with him. "No, please no...!" He bolted out of bed, out of his room, down the passageway, through the lounge room and into the kitchen. He stopped in his tracks as he saw Agent 57 kneeling over Penfold. "He...he's not...he didn't..."**_

 _ **The squirrel looked very solemn, he was fighting back tears. "I'm sorry, DM."**_

 _ **"But...but, he...I..." He stepped forward before collapsing onto his knees, right by his friend's body. "He..."**_

 _ **Agent 57 placed a paw on the mouse's shoulder. "I'm sorry. He's...gone."**_

 _ **"P-Pen...fold...!" He fell forward, his head on the hamster's still chest and wailed.**_

He was sobbing as he lay there with his forehead pressed against the hamster's. "Penfold..."

The hamster stirred and opened his eyes. His vision was blurry for the most part, but he could still make out his best friend's face. "DM? What's the matter?"

"It was a nightmare. D-Don't worry."

"How can I not when you're crying like that? What happened?"

"Y-You don't h-have any p-pills hidden in y-your s-sweetie stash, d-do you?"

"Of course not, just sweeties. DM, what happened?"

He recounted the whole nightmare, having to pause at some points to try to regain his composure when it became too much.

By the end of it, Penfold was in tears too. "Oh, DM. I'm not going to do that. Don't believe your nightmare."

"How can I know it won't become a reality? I don't know it for sure."

"Don't you trust me?"

"It's not that." He sniffed. "I trust you a lot, Penfold. With my life. It's just...when feeling that way, desperation is part of it."

"Desperation?"

"Feeling so desperate to do anything to end it all."

"But, we've taken precautions, and Agent 57 is here to help keep watch over both of us."

"Even that may not be enough."

"Y-You're not going to suggest I be admitted, are you?"

"No. I wouldn't do that to you."

"Good. Now, DM, I promise I won't do that. You can check my sweeties later and see I haven't hidden anything among them. Okay?"

Another sniff. "Okay."

"There we go. I'm sorry I've been making you so worried it even affects your sleep."

"I care about you a lot, Penfold, of course I will worry."

"But, it shouldn't be like this."

"I know." He shifted slightly so he could give the hamster a kiss on the forehead. "I know that." He then returned to his earlier position of having his forehead connected to his assistant's. "I'll try not to let my fears overwhelm me. Just...please don't do anything rash."

"I'll still be here when you wake up, DM. I promise."

"Okay." He closed his eye and felt sleep returning to him. He felt exhausted.

Penfold gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before closing his eyes.

DMEP

Agent 57 was reading a book when the pair emerged from the bedroom a couple of hours later. He looked up and noticed things did not appear too good at all. Penfold appeared sullen, while Danger Mouse's solemn expression was more reflective. "How was your nap?"

"Not too good, I'm afraid," Danger Mouse responded with a sigh. "I had nightmares again."

"Of that time?"

"No."

There was a feeling of relief at hearing that.

"Of Penfold succeeding."

The relief vanished instantly. "Have you spoken about it?"

"He woke me up crying earlier. We talked about it," Penfold responded.

"I see."

"Could you please come with us into the kitchen? I need to confirm something with DM."

"Sure. What is it?"

"That I have not hidden any pills in my sweetie stash."

He had a feeling that was what the nightmare concerned. "Right." He set the book down, rose to his feet and followed the pair into the kitchen.

DMEP

The whole bag had been dumped on the table. The contents were spread across the surface. There were some hard lollies, some wrapped chocolate eclairs (the caramel sort, not the pastry sort), but no little bags of pills. "See? Just sweeties."

Danger Mouse nodded. "I see that now."

Agent 57 scooped the contents back into the bag and put it back into the cupboard. "Why don't you two go have a bath and freshen yourselves up? I'll take the time to order in. What would you like?"

"Anything is fine with me."

"I don't really feel up to eating at the moment," Penfold added.

"Well, you have to eat something. I'll just order some pizza. That will give you at least half an hour. If you want to stay in longer, then let me know and I'll keep your food warm for when you come out. Now, go on."

"A bath does sound like a fine idea. Let's go, Penfold." Danger Mouse took hold of his assistant's paw.

"Coming."

Agent 57 watched them leave the kitchen. He let out a sigh. _I had a feeling things wouldn't be too good. Hm, where does DM keep the take-away fliers?_

DMEP

"Earlier, I showed you one of my scars and told you there are more."

Penfold paused in undressing and looked to the mouse. "You don't have to show them. I...I think I would rather you don't. Just tell me where they are."

"Alright. There are a couple along my torso and a few on my thighs. I realised my wrist wouldn't be as well-concealed so I did it in areas I knew would not be so revealed to everyone. I was able to keep it a secret that way. I know I shouldn't have done so, but that was how I was at the time." He quietly sighed and decided to change the subject. "Would you like to play with your rubber ducky while we're in here?"

"No, thanks."

"How about your boat I got you for Christmas?"

"No, thanks."

That was a first. Penfold usually insisted on playing with a toy in the tub. "Then, shall we just wash up, sit and soak?" He brought down the soap, shampoo and conditioner.

"Okay. I'd rather just sit and soak, but I need to wash anyway."

He noted the hamster was sounding quite low. "How come you don't want to play with your bath toys?"

"I just...don't feel like it. That's all."

He finished undressing and stepped over to the tub, sliding himself in.

Penfold threw his clothes into the laundry hamper before joining the mouse in the in-ground tub. He was sitting on a step that had been installed to help keep the water below his chin since without it, it would be above his head. "I didn't think this would ever happen."

"Us sharing a bath?"

"That and me not wanting to play with my bath toys."

"It's understandable. You may have already figured this out, but a sign of Depression is loss of interest in something that usually makes someone happy. For you, that would include playing with your toys in the tub."

"What did you lose interest in when it got you?"

"The thought of adventure. I didn't care if I wasn't allowed on any missions. I didn't feel anything when I was told I would even be dismissed from training until I was in my right mind again."

"I see. Shall I wash your back?"

"Not right now. Let's just...sit here."

"Okay."

DMEP

The rodents sat there in the tub for almost twenty minutes. They just sat there; didn't wash up, didn't talk, didn't do anything. Just sat. Danger Mouse was the first to break the silence. "Penfold?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry I'm also causing you concern."

"Chief?"

"You have enough to worry about, you don't need me having breakdowns or anything like that."

"Isn't that the same for you though, DM? I mean, your old memories were revived this afternoon."

"Maybe so." He brought his knees to his chest. "However...I shouldn't be piling that onto you. You're dealing with enough."

"I would take on anything of yours if it meant you stopped hurting, DM."

"I'm the same way." He sighed and closed his eye. "But, you don't need this too."

"I don't need it, no. But, I want to take it. I hate seeing you this way, DM." He shifted closer and rested his head on the mouse's shoulder, still mindful he didn't allow the water to go higher than his chin.

"I hate seeing you in such a state too."

"DM..."

"I shouldn't be like this. I should be helping you come back from the edge. Instead, I'm standing there with you."

"You're not that fargone yet, are you?"

"I don't know."

"But, it's a good thing you're standing there with me. It means we're there to help each other step away and keep moving away from it."

"Penfold..."

"I'd hug you if it wasn't so awkward at the moment."

He couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Come here." He turned around so he could wrap his arms around the hamster.

"Eh? But, um, we're not in proper dress, we're...oh, crumbs, this is embarrassing."

"We've both seen each other at our most vulnerable. I have nothing to feel embarrassed about with you anymore."

His cheeks were dark, but he couldn't hold back the smile at that. He returned the embrace, albeit with slight hesitation. "We really have become much closer, haven't we?"

"We have."

"I wish it didn't have to be because of last night, but I'm glad we're closer than ever."

"I feel the same way."

There was a knock on the bathroom door. "The pizza just arrived, will you two be getting out now?" Agent 57 called.

"Give us another ten minutes, please!" Danger Mouse responded.

"Right, I'll keep it warm for you two then!"

"Alright, Penfold, we should take this time to wash up. Could you please take care of my back?"

"Of course, DM."

DMEP

Agent 57 noticed the change immediately when he saw them emerge from the bathroom. "Well, now you look much better. How do you feel?"

Danger Mouse smiled slightly. "I do feel a bit more refreshed. Lots closer to Penfold too."

"Closer? I didn't think that was possible."

"What do you mean?"

"In the years you two have been friends, it seemed like there was already a very close, deep, unbreakable bond between you. I thought there was no possible way for you to get closer than you already were, not unless you two fell in love with each other or something like that."

"No, it hasn't gone that far. But, we have seen each other in ways nobody else would. I don't mean like how we just shared a bath. I mean, we've seen a side of each other that nobody else has. Despite you helping me all those years ago, you still haven't seen me in the same ways Penfold has."

Agent 57 smiled and nodded. "I understand now." He looked to the hamster. "How about you, Penfold? Feel a little better now?"

"Kind of. I still don't really have an appetite at the moment, so I might just have one slice of pizza. Then, I think I'd like to go back to bed."

The mouse and squirrel frowned in concern but nodded. "Right. I'll get the pizza then. How many slices will you be having, DM?"

"Three, please. We'll meet you in there. I just want to have a quick word with Penfold."

"Right." He made his way into the kitchen.

Penfold looked up at Danger Mouse. "Is something wrong, DM?"

He nodded. "I'm feeling worried about you." He knelt down and embraced the hamster. "I can understand what you're going through, even if our reasons were different. Whatever happens, please don't give up. Please allow us to help take care of you if you don't want to take care of yourself."

"I will, DM."

"Don't force yourself, either. That would be counter-productive."

"Alright."

"Good." He broke the embrace and rose to his feet again. "Come along, Penfold. Time for tea." He took hold of the hamster's paw and walked alongside him.

DMEP

Penfold surprised himself by having three slices of pizza. He thought he wasn't that hungry, but once he finished the first slice, he realised otherwise. He lay on the sofa, his head on Danger Mouse's lap. He didn't feel as tired, but still wanted to lie down, so they agreed to that while watching a video.

Danger Mouse tenderly stroked the hamster's head as he lay there. "I can't believe we're watching this tripe again," he complained good-naturedly.

"Well, if it means giving Penfold a chance to regain interest, what's the harm?" Agent 57 asked.

"I've been meaning to ask you, 57. Will you be staying as a squirrel while you're here?"

"No, I was thinking of being a chipmunk tomorrow. I just need to make sure I'm not too large."

"No worries there. Even when you take on the form of a larger animal, you're still rather small."

The hamster lost focus on the movie, instead letting the voices of the agents lull him. He closed his eyes and fell into a peaceful slumber.

"Asleep, is he?" Agent 57 asked in a hushed tone.

"Just dropped off." He didn't move yet.

"How is he really?"

"He's in a quiet state of depression at the moment. It's not entirely severe, but it would still be a good idea to keep an eye on him."

"I see. How about you?"

"I'll be alright. Penfold is the one struggling, I shouldn't be putting my problems on him."

"You're _both_ struggling. You were given a very nasty fright last night. You may not be suicidal, he may be the one living with those thoughts at the moment, but you are both still struggling. How are you coping after having those memories revived?"

"A little better than I had feared I would. I was told talking about it would help make it a little easier instead of trying to repress it again."

"Good."

"How are you?"

"I'm alright. Concerned about both of you, but I'm alright. I'm not feeling overwhelmed by any of this."

"The last thing we want to do is drag you down too."

"You're not. I'm here to be a supportive friend to both of you during a time you need it. You're not going to drag me down."

"Please at least let us know if it is starting to become a bit too much for you. Take a break if you must. Just, please don't allow it to get to you."

"It won't, DM. I promise."

Penfold stirred.

"You know, he's cute when he's asleep. He looks far more innocent."

"No. He's always looked that innocent. You're right about him being cute when he's asleep though," Danger Mouse responded. "Earlier, you brought up a possibility of Penfold and I falling in love with each other."

"Has it really happened?"

"No, it's a love that's more like family, if a bit stronger. But, if something like that _had_ happened, what would you say?"

"I'd be happy for you two. You both deserve nothing but happiness, and if that is found with each other then who am I to stop you?"

"I appreciate knowing that."

"I've noticed there has been more of an intimacy between you two. It's nice."

"Nice?"

"I mean, to see you being so intimate with someone. I'd never known you were someone who would allow another to give you hugs or rest their head on your lap."

"Normally, I wouldn't. But, it's Penfold." He smiled tenderly. "We've even started exchanging cheek and forehead kisses lately."

"To show how much you care about each other?"

"Yes. We openly admit we love each other. We know the depths of it, so we don't question it."

Agent 57 smiled tenderly and placed a paw on Danger Mouse's shoulder. "That sort of bond is unique. You're both fortunate you can share it with someone."

"I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like if Penfold hadn't come into it..."

"Does he know that?"

"I've told him many times. He's said the same thing."

"Amazing. I'm happy for you."

"Thank you." He looked to the squirrel. "I also consider you to be a very dear friend. I trust you with my life, as well as with Penfold's life. I said it to Dr. Moore this afternoon that if there was anybody I could trust Penfold with, it would always be you."

"Thanks, DM. I'm touched." He noticed the mouse's ears were beginning to droop. "Looks like you're about ready to drop off yourself. You and Penfold should get to bed. Try to rest well, and remember Penfold is not able to do anything to himself. You've taken every precaution, he proved nothing has been hidden away to try again, I'm here as additional back-up. You have another session with Dr. Moore tomorrow, you'll need to be well-rested for that."

"You're right." He carefully scooped Penfold into his arms and rose to his feet. "Good night, 57."

"Good night, DM." He watched the mouse retreat to the bedroom, a smile marking his features. He could see that, though it would take time, Danger Mouse and Penfold would be alright as long as they had each other.

DMEP

 _Of course, this still does not mean the end of the story. More to come next time._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** _**Danger Mouse's nightmare hit me in my dreams, so naturally, I had to write it. But, yeah. The standard of this chapter is pretty much filler.**_

 _ **I assure you, their relationship is staying platonic. It is strictly platonic.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading. You don't have to review, but if you'd like to say something, please don't flame. Constructive criticism is alright though.**_


	7. 07 - Partner Therapy

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall. I do own Dr. Moore._

 **Notes:** _**A lot of what was brought up in this chapter references different episodes. I felt those would be among some of the best examples to be brought up when trying to see the times Danger Mouse did depend on Penfold.**_

 _ **Warnings: Mentions of suicidal thoughts and self-harm.**_

 _ **Relationship is still platonic, in fact, they've toned down on showing affection in this chapter.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **(Linebreaks hate me, so I will use**_ _DMEP_ _ **)**_

DMEP

 _The next day has arrived, as has Dr. Moore. It's time for Partner Therapy._

"I'll duck out for a bit, get some groceries for the next week or so," Agent 57 offered when the gerbil entered the flat. True to his word, he was in the form of a chipmunk.

"Thank you for that, 57. If you'd like, you can use the Mark III. I trust you with it," Danger Mouse responded.

"No, it's fine. I have my own means of transport. See you two in about an hour." At that, 57 stepped out of the flat, closing the door after himself.

Dr. Moore looked to the mouse and hamster. "Mr. Mouse, if I may say, you look a little more at ease today. But, Mr. Penfold on the other hand..."

"Oh. Um, I'll be okay," Penfold responded quietly. His tone sounded like he meant otherwise.

Danger Mouse frowned in concern.

"Right then." Dr. Moore decided to save asking about it until the session had progressed. "Where would you like today's session? In here? In the bedroom?"

"In here is alright with me. What about you, Penfold?"

"Here is okay," the hamster responded.

"Would you like Teddy?"

"No, thanks."

Dr. Moore made a mental note of that. "Then, please be seated and we shall begin."

The agent and assistant sat on the sofa.

"I took some notes yesterday about what could be brought up in this session. First, I think we need to take care of Mr. Penfold's frustrations over Mr. Mouse's safety measures."

"Oh. We already finished dealing with that. I'm not so frustrated about it anymore. If anything, I'm thankful," Penfold explained.

"Oh, right. Very good then. Hm, then how about we start with what helped bring this about in the first place? Mr. Penfold, is there something you would like to discuss with Mr. Mouse?"

"Erm...oh. I, um...I don't know. I mean..."

Danger Mouse turned to his assistant. "You can talk with me about anything, I promise."

"But, DM, this is kind of...well..."

"It must be important if Dr. Moore believes we should discuss it."

"Okay. Um...well, those times I had ideas, claimed that you'd think they were silly and laugh at them, you'd say you wouldn't but then you did?"

"Yes?"

"They hurt."

"They did? I mean, I had noticed you weren't entirely pleased with me when I did find myself unable to hold back a few chuckles, but I didn't realise it went that far."

"That's what made me more hesitant about making those suggestions in the future. And about confessing certain things. Remember the time I tried on your jumpsuit?"

"Something you should not have done, by the way."

"Cor, I know that. But, when I told you why I did it..."

"I know. What you admitted meant a lot to you."

"You tried covering your laughing by saying you were coughing, but I know what your laughing sounds like, and I know what your coughing sounds like. I shared a big secret with you, and you laughed. I had a feeling you would because to someone else, it's silly. But, to me, it was a big deal."

"I never meant to hurt your feelings."

"I know. But, you did anyway." He sighed. "I couldn't admit my concerns about being useless to you because of that. I felt like you would just tell me I was being silly, if not start laughing about it while saying that."

"Oh, now I would _never_ think such thoughts as silly. I've known for years there are times you feel that way. That's why I try to give you an exercise or task to try to help keep those thoughts from becoming too much. It would always be something I knew for certain you were capable of. I wanted to give you a bit more self-confidence."

Dr. Moore was taking notes of the conversation; the tones the pair used, their body language, their words. "Could you please give an example of one such exercise or task, Mr. Mouse?"

"Certainly. Penfold, do you recall on our holiday to Venice?"

"There was a lot that happened, Chief."

"Now, you recall Greenback's plans on building a museum full of Barry Manilow records?"

"Of course I do!"

"We had to split up, and I had you mind the deed that would give the holder ownership of Venice."

"Yes. Then, a big fish ate it."

"That doesn't matter. We got it back in the end, didn't we? My point is I was depending on you to keep it safe. I trusted you would."

"But...but, I failed in doing so, Sir."

"Maybe so. But, do you not realise my faith in you that day? I had confidence in you."

"And I let you down." He looked down to his paws.

"I'm not trying to say that at all. Listen, Penfold. If I didn't have such faith in you, I would've held onto it myself. Whether or not a big fish ate it, I still had full trust in you."

"DM..."

"It was unfortunate a fish got to it. But, that doesn't change the fact that I believed in you to come through."

"But, because a fish ate it, I didn't come through. I failed." He closed his eyes. "I really am useless after all."

"Oh, Penfold, no." He had to think of how he could help his best friend regain a bit of self-confidence. "Ah! What about that time with that fuzzy alien pet? What was it called? Ah, that's it, a tickleohipos. Anyway, it was your tap-dancing that helped us realise the best way to round up the many that appeared, instead of trying to grab them, was to lead them back to the spaceship while dancing. You saved the day there, Penfold."

"I...I suppose I did..."

"And remember when El Loco had me weakened to the point even standing was an effort?"

"That wouldn't have happened if I hadn't accepted his milk though, Sir. I should know our milkman looks like Elton John."

"Even so, when I was utterly helpless in the physical sense, you put in every effort you could to try to ensure our mission would be a success."

"You saved the day in the end, DM."

"It was just good fortune that my strength started coming back at that moment."

Dr. Moore looked up from his notes. "Hm, I think we should go back on the original track. Earlier, Mr. Mouse, you were speaking of how you would never consider Mr. Penfold's concerns of being useless to be something amusing."

"Absolutely not! But, I didn't quite realise just how deep they ran." He placed a paw on his assistant's shoulder. "Speaking of those past three missions helps me see now. Well, not the one with the tickleohipos, that was where you really came through when we were running flat on ideas. In fact, at that point, I was starting to feel hopeless, remember?"

"I do remember that," Penfold muttered.

"Even though you meant otherwise, I want you to know that you saying _I believe in you_ really meant a lot right at that moment."

"Well, sure I said I meant I believed in you as a one-eyed, white mouse sitting on a wall. But, I'll always believe in you, DM, even if there should ever come a day the world stops doing so."

"That's another thing. Remember when I was tricked into believing I was on that show and only failures were shown? Even when I was making it clear I wanted to do nothing more than retire since it seemed everyone had lost faith in me after that, you still said otherwise. It meant a lot." He shifted closer, placed a finger under the hamster's chin and used it to lift his face so they could have eye contact. "So, I should tell you a lot more often too that I always have faith in you. You make mistakes, certainly. But, everybody does. It doesn't mean I will ever lose faith in you as my assistant, let alone as my best friend. So, please listen well when I say this; no matter what anybody else says, you, Ernest Penfold, are far from useless."

"Thanks, DM. It means a lot to hear you say that."

"I will say it everyday if I have to until you can believe it yourself, and even then, I will still make sure I assure you of it."

"But, do you find me to be an annoyance, or a hinderance?"

"An annoyance? Well, maybe sometimes. But, isn't there something you find annoying about me?"

"Hm. Good point. When do I really annoy you?"

"There are the times you tend to make silly jokes and puns at very inappropriate moments, such as when we first receive a new mission from Colonel K."

"Ah."

"You do sometimes make good ones too, but even then, you do have to mind the timing."

"Right. So, I need to try cracking less jokes when we need to be serious?"

"It would help."

"But, DM, you do it too."

"Ah. You're right. Hm. Well then, either we both mind when we make jokes, or we ignore any annoyance we feel by it."

"So, at least I know your feelings of annoyance are standard. But, what about your thoughts of me being a hinderance?"

"As I told you the other night, you are not a hinderance. In fact, I've told you other times too."

"I know. Like the time we were caught in an earthquake and though leaving me behind would've given you a better chance at apprehending Greenback, Stiletto and Nero, you still took the time to save me."

"Exactly. Just as I told you then, there will never be a time I will leave you behind. I might make you wait a minute if it's not a situation that threatens your life. But, times like that, waiting could mean...well, the end."

"Our mission the other day, I was caught in trap after trap after trap."

"I know you were."

"Each time you rescued me from them, I always heard you let out a frustrated sigh. I think...that was when I really realised how annoying and frustrating it must be to always have to rescue me."

"I wasn't annoyed with you."

"Y-You weren't?"

"I was annoyed at the lengths those fiends went to in order to slow us down. I came to realise they were just toying with us when I noted the severity of the traps were actually rather mild. Your life wasn't in immediate danger, but making you wait wasn't an option. When you accompany me on a mission, it is not just you being there. You're my back-up. If I was to be caught, or if the best way to put an end to any schemes was to split-up, then I would need you to be able to act as well."

"So then, I..."

"Was it my sighs of annoyance that helped you make your decision the other night?"

"Erm..."

"Penfold, _please_ tell me. Was it?"

"It...was. In my mind, it felt like _not again, can't you do anything right?_ , so I...I'm sorry, DM, I should've known better."

"I _want_ to say that yes, you should've known better. But, if you've been carrying those concerns around for so many years, they'd be deep-seated enough to make you come to that conclusion, whether or not it was false."

"Mr. Mouse, Mr. Penfold, our session is over for now. You can continue discussing this in private, if you'd like. But, for now, I have come to a conclusion about what needs to be done." Dr. Moore looked to Danger Mouse first. "I'd like to ask you if you would like to resume individual sessions with me before I make an appointment for you. You seem to be doing alright at the moment."

"I would like to resume, but not at the same frequency. If possible, could once a fortnight be arranged, instead of once a week? Of course, I will call you if things change."

"That would be fine. I'd still like to resume these partner therapy sessions as well. Once a week for a couple more weeks and see how we go, then we may change to once a fortnight."

"Understood, Doctor."

He then turned to Penfold. "As for you, Mr. Penfold, considering how serious your situation is, I'm thinking our sessions should be twice a week for the first couple of weeks. If you make steady progress, we'll change it to once a week. Is that fair enough?"

Penfold nodded. "Okay."

"I'd also like for you to document any times the dark thoughts return and if you start getting any urges."

"Urges?"

"Either suicidal or just an urge to hurt yourself. I need to see how frequently it happens so we can work out what else to do for you. I don't feel we should put you on any anti-depressants yet, but if by next session things get worse, then it may have to be taken into consideration."

"Okay. How should I document them?"

"Do you have a spare diary lying around? You can write it in there."

"I have one Penfold can use for this," Danger Mouse offered.

"Good. Mr. Penfold, remember to talk with Mr. Mouse if those urges should arise. _Don't_ go through them alone, it is _very_ important you remember that."

"Okay," Penfold responded.

"Good. Okay, I can hear your friend has just returned. In that case, I shall take my leave. But, first, we must make our appointments."

DMEP

Agent 57 entered the flat just as Dr. Moore handed cards to Danger Mouse and Penfold. "Oh, looks like I'm right on time."

Dr. Moore picked up his bag. "Now then, Mr. Penfold, I shall be seeing you in two days. Until then, please keep in mind what I advised."

"I will, Doctor," Penfold responded with a firm nod.

"Jolly good. See you then." He made his way out of the flat, giving a nod of acknowledgement to Agent 57 as he walked by him.

"I won't ask for too many details, but how was your session?" the chipmunk questioned as he approached the mouse and hamster.

"It was fine, actually. We managed to clear the air on a couple of concerns," Danger Mouse replied. "Would you like a hand putting those away?"

"It's fine. You two just stay there, it shan't take long." He entered the kitchen.

"By the way, Penfold, there is something I'd like to suggest, if I may."

The hamster looked up to the mouse. "What's that, DM?"

"Dr. Moore spoke of urges. It reminded me of something that had been suggested to me when I started feeling strong urges to hurt myself."

"What was it?"

"Take a block of ice and move that across where you feel you want to cut."

"Huh?"

"It comes with the same stinging pain, but it does no damage. It helps ward off the urges without causing harm. But, _always_ remember, come to me if those do start cropping up. We can work through them together."

"Okay."

He smiled and nodded. He then pulled Penfold into an embrace. "I wasn't just putting on a show earlier either. I meant every single word I said, especially when I said that I have faith in you and that you are far from useless."

"Thanks, DM." He returned the embrace.

DMEP

 _Another session done, and our heroes have learned to better understand how they can help each other. What's to come? Find out next time, won't you? Unless the authoress does another filler, that is._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** _**The suggestion DM made to Penfold about when self-harm urges strike was something I found on a post on Tumblr that had different ways you can take care of those urges without having to actually do damage to yourself. Of course, sometimes even then the urges are too strong. (I'm ashamed to admit I lost to mine yesterday...no severe damage so I didn't need to go to the hospital and get stitches.) That's why Dr. Moore adds it is important not to go through them alone.**_

 _ **I'm considering doing a timeskip after the next chapter. I don't want to rush this, but this just might start getting dull and repetitive if I don't wrap it up sooner or later. After all, I would have to write about months of therapy.**_

 _ **Next chapter, Penfold turns to DM for help when the urges begin.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading. You don't have to say anything, but if you do, please don't flame. Constructive criticism is welcomed, however.**_


	8. 08 - Important Conversations

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall. I do own Dr. Moore._

 **Notes:** _**While the standard of this chapter may seem like another filler, the conversations DM and Penfold have in this are actually very important. Thus, I have decided to consider this to be a main chapter.**_

 _ **Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, mentions of self-harm and attempted suicide.**_

 _ **Relationship is still not romantic. Intimacy returns in this chapter, but this is not romantic.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy this!**_

 _ **(Linebreaks hate me, so I will use**_ _DMEP_ _ **.)**_

DMEP

 _The road to recovery is a long one. Of course, the journey isn't easy, as our heroes will soon learn._

Later that afternoon, Penfold noticed he felt tense. It was an unwelcome unease in his body. He felt like he had to do something to relieve it, but what? It wasn't anything to do with hunger, not even his sweeties would be able to help. It didn't take long for him to realise it wasn't the first time he'd experienced that sensation. In fact, it was similar to what he felt a couple of nights earlier. _Does this mean I am experiencing urges?_ He mentally shook his head, dismissing the thought. _No, that can't be right. I was fine earlier._

Danger Mouse looked to Penfold. "Are you alright?"

"Hm? Why wouldn't I be?" He looked up at the mouse.

"Current circumstances aside, you've been rubbing vigorously at your forearm for the last ten minutes."

"I have?" He hadn't even noticed that. In fact, he'd been trying to stay focused on the movie the trio of rodents had turned on.

Agent 57 looked to Danger Mouse. "I remember when you did that too. You don't suppose it could be _that_ , could it?"

The mouse's eye widened. "You're experiencing urges, aren't you?" he whispered. He reached a paw over to take grasp of the hamster's and noticed immediately that his best friend was incredibly tense. "Good grief, Penfold, you feel _tense_!"

"No, no, I'm alright. I can't be experiencing urges, I was fine not too long ago," Penfold replied.

"Whether you were fine a minute ago or an hour ago matters little. Those urges can come and go whenever they please, no matter how you feel."

"But, DM, I..."

"Come along, we need to deal with that. I promise you'll feel relieved once we have." He rose to his feet and waited for the smaller rodent to do so. He then turned to Agent 57. "You can keep watching, we're just going into the kitchen to get some ice."

The chipmunk blinked once before realisation struck. "Ah, the ice relief then? Alright, if you're sure you'll be alright."

"I'll be okay, 57. Right now, it's Penfold who isn't." He walked alongside the hamster into the kitchen.

DMEP

He had Penfold sit at the table. "Now, don't move while I get out an ice cube." He opened the freezer, found the ice cube tray and pulled it out. He managed to get a cube from it before returning the tray to the freezing confines. He returned to Penfold's side. "Alright, roll up your sleeve, please."

He did so.

"Alright now, you take this ice and run it along your forearm."

He accepted the cube and did as instructed. The stinging sensation he felt shocked him for a second, but soon he noticed he was starting to feel relieved. "How did you know?"

"I was the same. After I started getting help and any means of hurting myself were kept in areas I was unable to access, I would often feel tense. I would try pacing around the room, but it did little to make me feel more at ease. I soon started rubbing vigorously at my forearm, in the same areas I had... _Ahem._ Anyway, I remembered being advised different ways to deal with the urges once I realised I was experiencing them. I did what you're doing now. It helped a lot of the time."

"I am feeling a bit better now."

"That's good. We'll have to remember to write this down when you're done."

"But, what started this? I really was fine not long ago..."

"It just...happens. Do you remember what I said yesterday? About suicidal feelings?"

"They come in waves."

"Exactly. Maybe you believed you were fine because they were barely noticeable. But, they started coming in stronger and that's when they started to affect you."

"I think I get it now. Come to think of it, the feeling I had was similar to the other night, when I was considering jumping."

"When the urges started making themselves known, what were your thoughts? As in, what were you considering doing?"

"Um, well, I don't think I was considering sneaking out and trying again."

"Thank goodness for that..."

"I just...felt like I needed to do something to myself, but I wasn't exactly sure what it was."

"Now you know."

"Mm."

He sat down opposite him. "This is why it is important to talk about it. I told you, tell me if you are experiencing urges and we can work through them together."

"It's not that I didn't _want_ to tell you. It's more like I didn't believe that was what I was feeling."

"I see. But, that is another reason why it is important. The next time you start feeling any unease, let me know. I can help you find out if it's leading to you experiencing urges or not. If it is, then I can help you take care of it before it becomes too pronounced."

"Okay."

"If you leave it for too long, deciding to try to ignore it, it will just make it much worse. At that point, not even the ice would be able to help you."

"Do you mean it could lead to me actually wanting to do something that can hurt me?"

"Maybe even worse than that."

"Oh, 'eck...!"

"Even talking about it wouldn't make it much easier."

"Did it once happen to you?"

"Before I got help. I normally wouldn't have considered hurting myself, but everything just built up. I tried ignoring my urges, not even sharing them with anybody else and...you've seen and heard how that worked out for me."

"I have."

"So, next time, please tell me?"

"I will."

"How is it now?"

"A little better. It's still there, but it's not as bad."

"I see." He sighed. "Do you have an idea of what could've served as a trigger to it?"

"A trigger?"

"Something to set it off."

"Oh. Erm, I don't think so. Didn't you say it sometimes just happens?"

"It does, but there are also times something can trigger it. Even subconsciously."

"Oh. But, if it's subconscious, then doesn't that mean it's without me even realising it?"

"Yes, similar to how you didn't seem to realise you were rubbing your arm."

He sighed. The ice cube was melting, his paw was getting wet and it was getting more difficult to keep a firm grasp.

"You can rub it on your arm at any speed. If going fast could help, then do so. If a slower pace makes it feel better, then stick to it."

"What other ways are there to deal with this?"

"There are times there is actually a feeling of wanting to see yourself bleed. You can deal with that by using either red dye, red paint, red marker or the ink from a red pen. Draw lines on your arm."

"In the same way I am using the ice?"

"Exactly."

"Okay. I don't think I would want to see myself bleed, but I will keep that in mind."

"Good." He noticed the ice cube was much smaller than when he first handed it to the hamster. "Looks like the ice is almost used up."

"I'm worried I will drop it."

"Don't worry if you do, it just becomes water when it melts; it can easily by dried with a towel."

He sighed in relief. "Okay, the feeling is gone now."

"I'm glad to hear that. We still need to document it though."

"What exactly would I write?"

"The basic details, of course. Today's date, an estimate of the time the urges started making themselves known, the feelings you experienced, what you did to take care of them."

"Oh, I get it."

"Good, I'm glad. We'll do that now then. Just pop the remainder of the cube in the sink."

He rose to his feet, stepped to the sink and dropped the tiny bit of ice into it. He then returned to Danger Mouse's side.

"The journal is in the lounge."

"What time is it now, DM?"

"Almost 4:30 in the afternoon."

"Okay, so that means the urges maybe started about...quarter-past?"

"I'd say at ten-past, considering you were rubbing your arm starting from quarter-past."

"Ah."

Danger Mouse rose to his feet, took hold of Penfold's damp paw and walked alongside him out of the kitchen. "I say, your paw is rather chilled, huh?"

"You're helping it warm up again."

DMEP

The credits were rolling by the time Danger Mouse and Penfold sat down. Danger Mouse picked up the journal from the small table and handed that and a pen to the hamster. "Neat handwriting, mind you. Dr. Moore needs to be able to read it."

"Okay." He opened the journal, removed the lid from the pen and started writing.

Agent 57 got to his feet and stretched. "Right, I'll get tea started. See you two soon. Shame you missed the movie though."

"Not at all, we've seen it a dozen times," Danger Mouse responded. "I'd offer you a hand, but..."

"I know, old boy. Don't worry about it. Right then, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." He retreated into the mentioned room.

Penfold paused in his writing. "I feel like I need to write something else."

"What do you mean?" Danger Mouse asked.

"Here, you have a look. You might see it too."

He accepted the journal and read through what Penfold had written. "Hm, it looks clear enough to me. You remembered to include how you felt when the urges made themselves known, and you made sure to write down how you took care of it. The time is written, as is the date. It doesn't have to be lengthy like a novel, just the basics for Dr. Moore to follow. This is fine, you don't need to add more." He handed the journal back to the hamster. "Keep that with you."

"Okay." He closed the journal and replaced the cap on the pen. "Hey, DM?"

"Yes, Penfold?"

"Do you think seeing this will have him decide to put me on anti-depressants?"

"If it happens enough times, it just might. Is something troubling you?"

"Why would I need medicine? I'm not sick, am I?"

"Actually, Penfold, and I say this with no intent on offending you, you are. That's why they take it seriously in hospitals too."

"But, weren't you put in hospital because you nearly died?"

"Yes, but when they realised how it happened, they gave me an examination."

"Oh. So, this is basically a mind sickness?"

"You could put it like that. That's why sometimes, medication is required to help move things along."

"Were you on them?"

"I was."

"Really?"

"Yes. I'm not on them anymore because they took me off them after seeing I was well on the way to recovery, so I didn't actually need them anymore."

"Oh. So, it would help?"

"If Dr. Moore believes it will, then you should take it into consideration."

"You mean he can't make me take them?"

"No, he can't. He can prescribe them, but he can't make you take the medication. It's up to you. He can advise it, he can provide guidance, but in the end, it is all up to how you feel."

"What do you think I should do?"

"It's not up to me. It is between you and Dr. Moore."

"I know some medications have side effects. Do these?"

"They can have them, yes."

"Did yours?"

"For a brief while. For the first fortnight, I was nauseous. I was also rather drowsy. As my body adjusted to them, that became far less frequent. Soon, they were a thing of the past."

"What other side effects are there?"

"They can range from patient to patient. Dr. Moore will make sure he finds one that isn't going to cause you too many concerns."

"You didn't answer my question, DM. What other side effects are there?"

He sighed. "I don't want to frighten you."

"DM, _please_ , I _need_ to know."

"I know you do. Very well, but come here."

He shifted closer and felt the mouse lift him onto his lap and pull him into a warm embrace. "DM, what's wrong?"

"Some can be mere inconveniences, like the nausea and drowsiness I experienced. Some can be a little more serious. Among the worst side effects...is increase in suicidal thoughts."

"What? How can that be?"

"Because they work for everybody in different ways. I'm not saying that would happen to you if you took them. There are different types out there. Dr. Moore would take everything into consideration to try to find the right medicine for you. He won't just be concerning himself with any allergies, but with your mental condition."

"How else could they affect someone?"

"Another side effect...and this one is something Dr. Moore must be made aware is possible considering your nature...is paranoia."

"Paranoia...?"

"Sometimes, even severe." He felt the hamster start trembling. "Penfold?"

"I don't want to hear anymore, thanks." He turned in his embrace and buried his face in the mouse's chest. "No more, please."

"Alright, I'll stop. I only told you because you asked."

"I don't think I want to take them. I don't want to risk myself getting worse."

He rubbed his back gently. "I know, Penfold. But, as I said, they vary from person to person. Even from rodent to rodent in our case. Just because one patient experiences one symptom, it does not mean every patient will."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore..."

"Alright, we can end the conversation here."

"Thank you."

"Are you alright?"

"No."

"What's the matter?"

"Why did this have to happen? Why did I have to get sick like this? Why should I have to worry about needing to take medication? Why...?"

"It can happen to anybody and at any time for any reason. I can't give you a straight answer. I may have gone through it, but I am not an expert."

"I don't mean to make it sound like I think you are one..."

"I know."

"But, I just..."

He could hear his friend getting choked up. "You wish this didn't have to happen, don't you?"

"Mm-hm."

"Nobody ever wants this to happen. To call it unpleasant is an understatement. This can affect someone's life, after all." He pressed his lips to the top of the hamster's head, before resting his chin there. He continued rubbing his back as he let out quiet sobs. "But, you will be alright one day. It might take a long time, but there will come a day you can say that you feel alright and know you mean it."

"I hope so..."

"It will, Penfold. I know it will."

Agent 57 was about to enter the lounge room to let them know the food was almost done, but halted and returned to the kitchen when he saw Danger Mouse was holding a sobbing Penfold. _I'll leave them be for now._

"There, there, it will be alright one day. I promise."

Penfold couldn't respond with more than a few sobs.

"For now though, just let it out. I'm here. I won't leave you."

DMEP

Danger Mouse noticed Penfold's trembling and sobs had ceased. "Do you feel a little better now?"

"Not really." He inhaled deeply and let out a quiet sigh before pulling back enough so he could share eye contact. "I'm glad you were able to tell me, thank you for that. But, I just...I hate all of this. I hate being this way."

"I know, Penfold. But, it won't be forever."

"That's something to be thankful for. But, the fact it is happening at all..."

He pulled him close again and felt the hamster nuzzle against his chest. "I know, I know." He didn't know what else he could say. He could understand how Penfold was feeling about the whole situation, but what exactly could he say to try to comfort him?

He sniffed and let out a sigh again. "I'm sorry."

"Hm?"

"I'm just being silly..."

"Not at all. Wishing you weren't dealing with your current situation is perfectly understandable."

"Did you have times like this too?"

"All the time."

"What helped?"

"Nothing, unfortunately. The only thing that could help me was finally recovering."

"Oh."

"I knew I had support, but sometimes, it just got to be too hard."

He nodded. "Were there times you felt tired?"

"Always. I felt tired of everything."

"Even life?"

"Especially life." He blinked once before pulling the hamster back. "Penfold, is that how you're feeling right now?"

"Mm-hm."

"You're not...suicidal again, are you?"

"Mm-hm."

His eye widened. "Penfold...?"

"I feel like being _dead_ would be better than feeling like _this_."

"I understand. But, death is not the answer. Things will improve. You just need a break from everything, that's all." He thought about it. "That's it. When Dr. Moore feels it is a good time to do so, you and I can take a holiday. How about in the serene countryside? We could find somewhere to camp for a few days."

"I like the sound of that."

"In that case, we'll do that."

"But, why do we have to wait?"

"Even though a holiday may seem like the best way to get away from everything for a while, we still need to be mindful of our current mental conditions."

"How are you, DM?"

"Very, _very_ worried."

"I'm sorry..."

"No, don't apologise. I care about you." He gave him a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, so of course I would be feeling this way."

He nodded. "I love you too. I just wish it didn't have to be like this. Me feeling like death would be better, you being so worried...I'm sorry..."

"As I said, don't apologise."

He was the one to move closer, resting his head against the mouse's chest. "I can't help it. I feel like I have to because what is happening is because of me."

"Alright then, I understand. I don't want you to apologise, but if it makes you feel better, I will respond with _it's going to be alright_ each time. Things may not be alright for either of us right now, but they will be. I know it."

"Okay, DM."

DMEP

 _It may seem like everything is going backwards, judging by Penfold's mindset, but it is only because everything has barely begun. There is still a long road ahead that our heroes must traverse, but as long as they do it together, everything will be alright, just as Danger Mouse said himself._

DMEP

 **After notes:** _**Borrowing from my own experiences again. The tension I mentioned Penfold was feeling when his urges were becoming more pronounced, as with the vigorous arm rubbing, those are what I experience when I feel my own urges.**_

 _ **The conversation about anti-depressants is not like the one I had when I was 18 and first diagnosed with Depression. At that time, I was already taking iron and vitamin c supplements (first time I had iron-deficient anaemia), and because it took me up to three pills a day, I was worried I was becoming a**_ _pill-popper_ _ **. I had to be reassured I was far from that as what I was taking was to help me. I read about the side effects in the little pamphlets that come with the medications. I was often worried I would experience the worst. DM's experience with anti-depressants is the same as mine, though when I was first put on them at 18, the nausea would not go away so I had to be taken off them. Later in the years, I was able to handle them a little better so while I did experience nausea and drowsiness, it was temporary and soon, I was alright again.**_

 _ **The last conversation about how Penfold wished he didn't feel the way he was, including feeling tired of everything (including life) is a common mindset. I experience that very often, even when not going through the worst times. DM's suggestion of them going on a holiday was inspired by my father having me stay with my grandparents in Toora, a small country town, for a week when I was 18. At that time, I was in a bad way (going semi-catatonic at times), it was even affecting Dad. It was advised I get away from stress, but the time apart helped Dad a little too; we both felt a bit better when I got back home.**_

 _ **There will be a bit of a timeskip, just a few months ahead, just so there is a speed in progress, but this won't affect the story too much.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading. You don't have to review, but if you choose to say something, please don't flame. I do wholeheartedly welcome constructive criticism.**_


	9. 09 - Start to the Holiday

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall. I do own Dr. Moore and Farmer Johnson._

 **Notes:** _**I did go with the timeskip after all. This is to speed up the process for their recovery, as well as bring in the new arc, which is the week-long holiday in the countryside. The mission mentioned is not canon, I just made it up to give an excuse why they're permitted to stay on someone's property.**_

 _ **Warnings: There is slight mention of concerns of self-harm and suicidal thoughts, but this is actually one of the tamer chapters.**_

 _ **Relationship is still platonic! They are affectionate, but it is platonic!**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy this!**_

 _ **(Linebreaks hate me, so I am using**_ _DMEP_ _ **.)**_

DMEP

 _So, the authoress has decided to go with a timeskip to help speed things along. This chapter may have flashbacks for that reason, I do apologise for that._

"All set to go?" Danger Mouse asked Penfold as he turned to the tiny hamster. "Don't forget to fasten your belt."

"I know." Penfold took hold of his seatbelt and pulled it across, fastening it securely. "Ready, DM."

"Right then. Next stop, the Johnson farmstead." He turned on the ignition of the Mark III.

Penfold sighed, looking at his paws. The holiday had been arranged so they could get out of the pillar-box flat they called home; it was meant to serve as freedom from stress. "Could you please make sure not to overdo the fancy flying, Sir?"

"Don't worry, Penfold, this is meant to help you relax, not stress you out. I already promised last night I would not do any loop-de-loops or anything of the sort until you were out of the vehicle." He drove out of the garage, changed the settings using his special watch and soon, the vehicle was airborne. It felt great to be back in the driver's seat once more, he had missed it. "Would you like to take the scenic route? Or would you rather just get there as soon as possible?"

Looking up to the mouse, he could see the signs of exhilaration about being able to be out and about once more. He couldn't find it in himself to deny him any joy, even if he wasn't entirely keen on taking the scenic route himself. "The scenic route would be nice, DM."

"Alright then, here we go!" He turned the wheel slightly, causing the vehicle to veer to the right.

As Penfold continued gazing at his best friend, gauging his expressions, he couldn't help but find himself thinking of the moment the holiday was approved.

 _ **Dr. Moore nodded in satisfaction as another session of partner therapy had come to an end. "Both of you are making amazing progress. Not just in these sessions, but in your personal ones as well. Mr. Mouse, I'm pleased to say that you have done well coping with everything. You can continue therapy if you'd like, but it's not really too necessary at the moment."**_

 _ **Danger Mouse thought about it. "I'd still like to engage in some sessions, but once a month instead."**_

 _ **"Very well then, if you feel that's best." He then turned to Penfold. "We still have a little while to go for you, but things are no longer so severe that you require two sessions a week. How does one session a fortnight sound?"**_

 _ **The hamster thought about it. "That should be alright. Have I really started seeming better?"**_

 _ **"Far better than when we started. I've noticed urges and suicidal thoughts have been getting to be far less frequent too."**_

 _ **"Cor! I still have my moments of feeling low...but it is true I don't really feel like I want to try jumping in the Thames again."**_

 _ **Dr. Moore smiled. "That is definitely proof of progress. Of course, we must make sure it stays that way, so our sessions will need to continue for a while longer."**_

 _ **"Once a fortnight sounds alright then."**_

 _ **"Excellent! I'd also like to declare that neither of you appear to be at any risk to yourselves."**_

 _ **The mouse and hamster exchanged glances. Those were the words they had been hoping to hear.**_

 _ **"I recall a couple of months ago, you mentioned you'd like to go on a holiday. By my judgement, I would say now is an appropriate time. How long do you intend to be away?"**_

 _ **"Only a week at the most. It's just a quick getaway, but we still need to consider trying to get our lives back in order. This is just to relax after the stresses of the last couple of months," Danger Mouse explained, turning back to the gerbil.**_

 _ **"Mm-hm, I see. I still think it is a bit too soon to consider both of you**_ _Fit for Duty_ _ **, so we will see how things are at our next session. Alright then, shall I make your appointments now? Or would you like to contact me about them? Just in case your holiday is prolonged."**_

 _ **"That actually seems like a wise suggestion. Anything could cause us a delay."**_

 _ **"Exactly." He slipped his folders, notebook and pen into his bag. "Mr. Penfold, I**_ _do_ _ **recommend you staying on those anti-depressants too."**_

 _ **Penfold sighed, but nodded. He still wasn't thrilled about needing to take them, but he was at least thankful he had been spared from the worst side-effects. Much like Danger Mouse, he'd only experienced slight nausea and fatigue, but it passed after a week.**_

 _ **"Now then, I shall be taking my leave."**_

 _ **At that moment, Agent 57, in the form of a lop-eared rabbit, entered the flat. "I'm getting good with my timing," he chuckled as he and Dr. Moore exchanged nods of acknowledgement, just as the gerbil made his way to the door. Once the gerbil had departed, he noticed something positive must've happened. "Been a while since I've seen a smile like that," he remarked, approaching Danger Mouse and Penfold. "Good news, I take it?"**_

 _ **"We've been cleared to go on our week-long holiday in the countryside," Danger Mouse responded. "Neither of us are considered risks to ourselves."**_

 _ **The rabbit smiled widely at hearing that. Ever since everything had started, he'd been wanting to hear his good friends were showing progress in their recoveries. "Still having therapy?"**_

 _ **"Yes, but we're making our appointments upon our return from our holiday."**_

 _ **"Where exactly are you planning on going?"**_

 _ **"I've already contacted Farmer Johnson to ask if we could camp on his property. He's still thankful to us for helping find who'd been pulling the wool over his sheep's eyes and once offered if there was anything he could to to repay us, to just give him a bell."**_

 _ **"When do you plan on heading off?"**_

 _ **"Tomorrow morning."**_

 _ **Penfold chuckled. "We've been eager to go on this holiday, so we packed everything ages ago."**_

 _ **Agent 57 couldn't help but chuckle while shaking his head. "Well, you two really do need it after all of this. What about your status on being**_ _Unfit for Duty_ _ **?"**_

 _ **Danger Mouse shook his head. "No change to that just yet. There is still a little while to go before we can return to the field."**_

 _ **"I see. That's a shame."**_

 _ **"Would you like to spend one more night here?"**_

 _ **"That's jolly nice of you to invite me, but if you're heading out in the morning... No, it's fine."**_

 _ **"Well, at least stay for tea then. You've done a lot to help us over these last couple of months."**_

 _ **"I couldn't do anything other than that when two of my good friends were in trouble."**_

"You've been staring at me for quite a while now, Penfold. Is something the matter?"

He blinked once, returning to reality. "Oh. No, it's nothing. I've just noticed how happy you are right now, DM."

"Happy?"

"That you're no longer cooped up in our flat, having to keep an eye on me, when you could be out driving or flying or on a mission or..."

"Penfold, _shush_."

"Been a while since you've said that."

The mouse was smiling. "I _am_ happy to be out and about again, but being _cooped up in our flat_ , as you so aptly put it, was worth it just to make sure a time would come when you'd be alright."

"Well, I don't quite think _alright_ is the right word for it at the moment."

"Should I be more blunt and say _alive_ then?"

"Oh. I get it now."

"Really though, Penfold, instead of looking at me, you should have a look at the lovely view."

"No thanks, too high."

"I can take us lower if you'd like."

"Wouldn't that be dangerous?"

"Not when there are no obstacles in our flight path." He directed the vehicle to fly a little lower. "Is that better?"

He looked out the side. "Better. Thanks, DM."

"Quite alright. It shouldn't be much longer before we arrive."

"That mission had been a strange one, eh? I mean, I never thought pulling the wool over a sheep's eyes could've caused such trouble."

"Well, they were blinded by it, and then controlled to go on stampedes through the nearby town. All to serve as a distraction to rob the bank. They might be in a small town, but that bank carried almost as much as the one back home."

"That one was El Loco, right?"

"Right. Greenback and Crumhorn usually have more imaginative schemes in mind, this wouldn't have allowed Count Duckula to gain the fame he wanted and, of course, Earth money is no use to someone like Quark." He pulled back, noticing the path ahead would soon be full of obstacles. "Hold on, we're going up now!"

For some reason, Penfold didn't even let out a shriek of alarm as they sharply changed from a horizontal to vertical position. Though he enjoyed having things quiet and free from danger, he had to admit, it felt good to be back in the Mark III while Danger Mouse engaged in risky driving. "Sir?"

"Yes, Penfold?"

"Erm...this is going to sound silly coming from me, and I assure you I _am_ quite alright. But, well..."

"What's the matter?"

"Maybe we can do _one_ loop-de-loop before we get there."

He had to remind himself slamming on the brakes would result in them plummeting to the earth below. "Penfold, are you quite _sure_? I know how much you _hate_ that sort of thing!"

"I guess it's just...for old time's sake. It will be a while before either of us will be back on the field. I'll put up with it this once, DM." He grabbed hold of the arms of his spectacles, making sure they wouldn't slip off when upside down. "I'm ready."

"If you're sure..." He waited for the hamster to protest, but he noticed that while the hamster was trembling, knowing what was coming, he was still holding the arms of his glasses. "In that case, _here we go_!"

Penfold let out a shriek as the car performed a perfect loop-de-loop. He always hated that sort of thing. But, when he could hear Danger Mouse chuckle at the thrill added to the flight, he felt like he'd made a good choice in the end.

DMEP

They soon arrived on the back paddock of the Johnson farm. There was no sign of any livestock; the farmer had already made preparations for them to have a peaceful holiday without worries. "Here we are, Penfold."

The hamster smiled as he unfastened his seatbelt, opened the door of the vehicle and stepped out onto the grass. He inhaled deeply. "I almost forgot what fresh air was like."

The mouse couldn't hold back a chuckle. "Excuse me, but that seems a bit extreme to say, don't you think?"

"DM, we've been cooped up in a pillar-box flat, in the city of London, for two months instead of being out and about. I think it's perfectly reasonable."

"Alright, if that's how you feel. Now, come help me pitch this tent; we'll want to be ready for any wet and cold nights after all."

"Coming!" He plodded over to the trunk of the Mark III. "What happens if a tent isn't good enough for shelter?"

"If it's not too serious, we can stay in the car with the dome covering us. If it is severe, we've been granted permission to enter the farmhouse. I told Farmer Johnson it may not have to come to that."

"What about the barn?"

"That's where his livestock goes in such weather. It'd be a bit too crowded for your liking."

"Ah."

He opened the trunk and pulled out the peg bag. He handed that to the hamster before lifting out the tent and support rods. "Let's see...over there should do it." After scanning the surroundings, he led his assistant to a spot not too far from the car. "Is the mallet in the peg bag?"

The hamster opened it and peeked inside. "It's there."

"Good." He unfurled the tent, laying it out on the ground.

"You said we'd need it just for cold and wet nights. How come?"

"Because some nights might be pleasant enough to simply sleep under the stars without it covering us." He was sliding the support poles into the material and joining them together. "I'm rather looking forward to this. Just you and I, a nice week away from everything."

"Me too, DM."

"Alright, hand me the first peg, please. This tent is ready to go up."

He dug into the bag and pulled out a peg.

DMEP

Night was nearing. The sun was setting over the horizon. "It's quite a sight, hm?" Danger Mouse asked.

Penfold nodded, a wide smile on his face. "It's even better out here than in the city."

"It usually is. There's barely any buildings or exhaust from traffic blocking the view."

"And for a pair like us, those can really be a bother."

"A pair like us?"

"A tiny mouse and even smaller hamster."

"Oh, I see."

"What will we be having for tea, DM?"

"How does campfire stew sound?"

"Campfire stew?"

"A little recipe I came up with when I was younger and exploring the world."

"What's in it?"

"Just about anything you can cook over a campfire, but none of the flavours clash so it's actually rather delicious."

"Oh, _goody_! I think I _would_ like to try some then!"

"Then, don't fill up on sweeties before it's done." He pointed to the bag the hamster was holding. "It might be a good idea to put those away to avoid the temptation."

"Good idea." He got to his feet and carried the bag back to the car. He opened the glove compartment and set it inside, closing the little door when done.

Danger Mouse was going through the sack he was sitting by. "Hm. That's funny. I was certain we'd packed enough food for a week. It was only enough for lunch."

"What's up, DM?"

"It just seems we may need to do more shopping tomorrow. Best put out the campfire for now; we'll go into town and get something there."

"Right." He picked up the bucket of water sitting by the fire and carefully tipped it over the flames.

"Last I recall, they did have a fish 'n' chips shop. I wonder if it's still open. Right, come along, Penfold."

"Coming, DM!" He set the bucket down again and followed the mouse back to the car.

DMEP

Because the town wasn't too far away, they didn't have to fly there. It was still preferred though, due to the size of their vehicle versus the standard size. Danger Mouse found an ideal parking spot; not too far away from the little shop, but still out of range of large vehicles. "Oh, looks like they're still open after all."

Penfold climbed out of the car. "I'll have the usual, thanks."

"As will I. Come along."

"Coming!"

The mouse waited for the hamster to stand beside him before taking hold of his paw and walking alongside him. After promenading for a few minutes until they reached the building, they carefully entered the shop and approached the counter.

DMEP

Ten minutes later, they emerged with tiny parcels of their food. "Should we go back to the farm to eat this?" Penfold asked.

"I have a better idea. There is a lovely park just down the road. We can have a picnic there." He used his head to gesture to the park nearby, his arms full with food.

"Oh, _goody_! That sounds really nice, DM!"

"I thought you might like that idea." He led the way to the park, through the gates and to a quiet spot near the lake. "Here we are. We can sit here."

Both rodents sat down, set their parcels down, tore them open and started to eat. "This really is relaxing..." Penfold sighed as he picked up a chip and popped it into his mouth. "Ah! _Hot_!"

"You need to remember to blow on it first," he sighed, half-smiling. "But, you're right. This is relaxing. A twilight picnic by a lake with my best friend; truly there is nothing else I would ask for right now."

"Me too, DM."

 _Especially after the last couple of months. I'm just thankful we still have the opportunity to do something like this._

Penfold noticed Danger Mouse was frowning. "DM? Is something the matter? Did they get your order wrong or something?"

"No, it's not that. Just...reflecting."

"Reflecting?"

"I suddenly found myself thinking about the last couple of months, and how after going through them, this moment is a blessing."

He set his food down, wiped his paws, crawled over to the mouse and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm sorry."

He returned the embrace. "Don't apologise. _I_ should for suddenly bringing the mood down."

"Yeah, but _I_ was the one who started everything."

"Penfold..." He tightened his grip. "Though I may seem like I am sad, I really am considering just how special this moment is _because_ of everything that happened. The fact I can share moments like this with you...it's actually very heartwarming."

"So...you're not sad?"

"More pensive. I started thinking about what could've been, but knowing that this is what it is...I'm happy. I'm _truly_ happy that I can share this time with you."

"DM..."

He pushed the hamster back a bit so he could look into his eyes. "I want you to know that I am _very_ proud of you."

"Proud?"

"For coming through the way you have. You may still have your moments, but really, _everyone_ has a bad day or an unwelcome thought about themselves. Compared to how I saw you that night two months ago, you're showing you can bounce back from just about anything. I know you showed it in the past, but with this..."

"I know what you mean, DM."

He gave him a tender kiss on the forehead.

"Hm? I know we're a _lot_ closer than we used to be, but what was _that_ for?"

"I just felt like it is all. Is there something wrong?"

"No, just curious." He snuggled closer to the mouse. "Our food is getting cold."

"I know."

"You hate cold chips."

"I know."

"Then, shouldn't we eat now?"

"In a minute. Let's just enjoy this moment. I know we'll have more in the future, but for now..."

"Alright." He closed his eyes and smiled tenderly.

Danger Mouse was also smiling. "I love you, Penfold. I'm glad we're together like this."

"I love you too, DM. But, you know, saying it like _that_ could confuse those people reading this."

"They should know what I mean by now."

DMEP

After they finished eating and had made sure they cleaned up after themselves, it was time to head back to the farm for a good night's rest.

The campfire stayed extinguished; both rodents felt too tired to be willing to keep an eye on it, and they would rather not accidentally burn the paddock Farmer Johnson had so graciously allowed them to use as their campground.

Danger Mouse pointed to the sky. "See, if you join the stars like so, you can find your own constellations."

"That's really incredible, DM! How'd you find that?"

"Something else I came up with when I was younger. It helped me pass the time on sleepless nights."

The hamster shifted closer to he was right beside him. "I think I just found you."

"Me?"

"See? Join those stars there to that one, then those over there..."

"Oh! I see what you mean!" He looked closely. "I believe I just found your constellation too. If you join those three stars, then link them to that one over there..."

He let out a chuckle. "This is fun, DM! We need to do this a lot more often!"

"I agree." He let out a small yawn. "It must be getting late."

"You _did_ do a lot of driving and flying today, and we did get up early this morning. I'm feeling tired too."

"In that case, we should consider going to sleep. We still have some shopping to do tomorrow morning."

"Or this morning if it's past midnight."

"Not yet."

"Ah. Then, tomorrow it is."

He wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. It wasn't due to fears that if he let go, then Penfold wouldn't be there when he awoke. It was partly to keep warm, partly because he simply wanted to.

Penfold removed his glasses and set them just above his head, the best place to avoid accidentally smashing them through the night, and cuddled closer to the mouse. He let out a loud yawn.

"Good grief, Penfold, I didn't know a yawn that big could escape from a hamster as small as yourself."

He smiled drowsily and closed his eyes. "Good night, DM." He quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek before settling in for the night.

Danger Mouse stayed awake a little longer, though he quietly bade Penfold a good night with hopes he'd rest well. He was starting to wonder if this would soon become habit. Would they be wanting to continue sleeping in the same bed, in each other's hold, even when they returned home? What of bathtimes? They'd found they were a bit more fun when shared, they could play with each of their bath toys together. _But, we can't always do this. When we get back home, we may have to return to our usual routines. For now...I'm going to enjoy this for as long as I can._ He gave Penfold a kiss atop his head, closed his eye and started to doze.

DMEP

 _The next arc of their story, the_ _ **Holiday Arc**_ _, has begun. Though things seem positive right at this moment, there is a chance they won't stay that way. What will happen? Will our heroes come through? I should hope so; the first arc of this story was very depressing. I mean, I know it's supposed to be, but anyway. Find out what happens next time._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** _**Have you noticed the mood is getting a little lighter in this chapter? It just may be. My mindset is a little better at the moment, aside from some new anxieties popping up, but these chapters will be on the lighter side of things. Plus, if things are actually improving for DM and Penfold, then of course the mood will lift a bit. Sure, there will still be mentions of concerns of what had been going on in their lives, but other than that...**_

 _ **Thanks for reading! You don't have to review, but if you want to say something, please don't flame. I do welcome constructive criticism.**_


	10. 10 - Accidents Happen

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall._

 **Notes:** _**I'm not going to write out their whole holiday in a seven chapter day-to-day thing, that would be tedious. Especially on the days nothing happens and they just sit there and talk and eat and then sleep. Instead, these chapters (still not seven) will be like snapshots of important moments during their holiday. It could be a fun outing or more concerning the basis for this whole story.**_

 _ **Warnings: Like last chapter, this is pretty tame, but does contain self-putdowns.**_

 _ **Relationship is still platonic. The affections have toned down, though still exist.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **(Linebreaks hate me, so I will use**_ _DMEP_ _ **.)**_

DMEP

 _Wouldn't you know it, there is going to be a bit of trouble on this holiday._

As the sun rose, Penfold stirred. The light was waking him. _Time I had my anti-depressants anyway. I'll have a sweetie too, while I'm at it._ He carefully crawled out of Danger Mouse's embrace and grabbed his spectacles. Slipping them on and letting out a quiet yawn, he tiptoed over to the Mark III, hoping he didn't disturb his best friend.

He soon reached the vehicle. Opening the door and sliding into the passenger's seat, he opened the glove compartment and got out the pill bottle, the spare water bottle and his sweeties bag. Still making sure he stayed as quiet as possible, he opened the bottle and tipped a pill into his palm. He replaced the lid and slipped it back into the glove compartment. He popped the pill into his mouth, opened the water bottle and partook of some of the clear liquid to help him swallow the pill much easier. After downing the liquid and medication, he reached into his sweeties bag and pulled out a wrapped eclair. He unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth, sucking on the caramel until it was soft enough to chew. He threw the wrapper back into the bag, replaced the lid on the water and returned those to the compartment before closing the door on it. He slid out of the Mark III, quietly, carefully shutting the door and making his way back his best friend's side. He was walking past the tent when he felt his foot catch on something. He soon found himself tripping over, bringing the tent down with him.

Danger Mouse stirred, but did not awaken just yet.

Penfold examined the damage. Nothing seemed to be torn, no support poles broken. But, the fact that he, clumsy as ever in his mind, was the one responsible for knocking it down, the feelings he'd been trying to keep at bay were making themselves known again. He bit his bottom lip and sniffed. He could already hear Danger Mouse yelling at him, saying he should've expected something like that to happen, honestly, what was he going to do with him? Tears welled in his eyes. He whimpered, thinking it would be a good idea to hide. He crawled into the collapsed tent, lay in the fetal position and started quietly sobbing. _Of course I did this, this is just the kind of hamster I am..._

DMEP

Danger Mouse could feel his ears twitching as they picked up a familiar sound. One he hadn't heard for over a month and had hoped to never hear again. He opened his eye and quickly realised Penfold wasn't in his arms. "Penfold? Where are you?" He decided to follow the sound, surely that would lead him to his best friend.

He soon noticed the tent was down. "I don't recall the wind being strong enough to knock it down..." he muttered. He soon realised the sobs were coming from inside the collapsed tent. "Penfold, are you in there? Are you alright?"

"I'm _sorry_!"

He blinked once in surprise at that sudden, emphatic, tear-logged apology. "Penfold?"

"I broke the tent! I'm sorry! I'm...I'm so clumsy, it's a wonder you put up with me!"

He got onto his knees and lifted where he was sure the door was. He could see the hamster lying on his side, curled up, his back facing the entrance. "It's alright, Penfold, the tent's not broken. This can happen easily, the wind could knock it down if strong enough."

"But, it was because of me..." He sniffed. "I knocked it down and you worked so hard to put it up yesterday..."

"It wasn't that difficult, this is a basic tent." He crawled inside. "Come on, Penfold, I'm not upset about this. These things happen."

"I should've been watching where I was going...how can you even put up with me, DM?"

"Put up with you...?" He smiled tenderly and lay behind him, wrapping an arm around him. "I don't _put up with_ you. I'm with you because I want to be."

"You're just saying that..."

His smile faded into a sympathetic frown. "Oh, Penfold..."

"I'm a good-for-nothing clumsy clod, surely that's how you really feel..."

"Not at all. Come now, we all have moments of clumsiness. You've seen even I do."

"Still, I wouldn't be surprised if you were mad at me for this..."

"Not in the least. I told you, these things happen. It can be a bit frustrating, but it can easily be fixed. We just have to erect this tent again. The frame is still in place, we just have to reconnect the support poles to the corner joints and fasten the rope to the pegs again. That's all."

He sniffed then sighed, reaching up to wipe his eyes. "I'm sorry. I was being silly."

"Not really. For you, this is a genuine concern. Do you feel a little better now?"

"A little."

"Want to come out and help me get the tent back up?"

"Okay."

"There we go. I'll meet you outside." Before letting go, he gave the hamster a gentle kiss on top of his head.

Penfold sighed as he felt, rather than saw, his best friend leave the tent. He inhaled and exhaled twice, willing himself to calm down before finally crawling out.

Danger Mouse was right there waiting for him. He wrapped his arms around him as he emerged. "Come on now, this is supposed to be a stress-free holiday. No matter what happens, you need to try your hardest to tell any of your unwelcome thoughts to push off. You're not clumsy, this was just an accident. I could've done it too. Alright?"

"Okay, DM."

"Right, let's get this up, go into town for breakfast and then get some shopping done. I promise that for tea tonight, you can try my campfire stew." He released the hamster from his embrace. "Help hold that side steady, would you?"

Penfold moved to do as instructed.

"I will admit I am surprised you were up before me this time. You usually save that for Christmas, last year's being the exception."

"The sunrise woke me up. I decided to have my anti-depressant and a sweetie since I was already up. I was on my way back to join you when I tripped over the tent peg."

"I see. That should just about do it...there. See? No harm done."

Penfold could see the tent was standing as proudly as when they'd first pitched it. He smiled in relief seeing he really had only knocked it over but not wrecked it. "What would you have done if I had wrecked it?"

"What would I have done?"

"Surely that would warrant you calling me a clumsy clod."

"Penfold." He crossed his arms and looked at him seriously. "Do you _want_ me to call you that?"

He looked to the ground. "Not really. But, it would be enough to make you angry with me that it would slip out, and I just..."

"Penfold, _shush_." His tone was firm and he stayed in that stance. "You should know better. I _won't_ call you a clumsy clod for something that was really just an accident. I told you, I could do it too. In fact, it's possible with my depth perception."

"But, yours is actually pretty good!"

"That was just an example." He sighed. "Listen, Penfold, I can tell you over and over again that you are _not_ useless, you are _not_ hopeless, you are _not_ some clumsy clod who is totally incompetant at everything. In fact, I _have_ told you all of that over and over again. But, no matter what I say, unless you believe it yourself, it won't do any good."

He also let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, DM."

"Don't apologise."

"Is...is it getting annoying?"

"No. It's because you shouldn't apologise for something that isn't entirely your fault. The thoughts have been around for too long, it's not like you can dispel them overnight. It will take work. Lots of work."

"I have been trying, DM..."

"I know you have." He stepped closer and placed a paw on the hamster's shoulder. "I've seen it. Whenever you regain a bit of self-confidence, it's because you have been working on proving your thoughts wrong."

"I..."

"It's alright. It's still early days for you."

He looked up at the mouse. "I..." He shook his head. "It's nothing."

"You're about to apologise again, aren't you?"

"Was it that obvious?"

"These days, it's mostly what comes out of your mouth." He quickly realised putting it like that sounded rude. "Excuse me, that didn't come across as polite or kind, did it?"

"No, it's fine, DM. I know what you meant."

"But, I can understand why you feel a need to." He knelt down and embraced the hamster. "It will be alright."

"I don't really understand myself though. Why do I keep apologising?"

"Do you feel guilty for something?"

"Mm. For being me."

"For being you? Penfold, though you have your flaws, I honestly wouldn't have you any other way."

"But, I'm just...I did it again. I let those thoughts take hold again. I'm sorry."

"It will be alright, Penfold, I promise. Like I said, it's still early days. It will take time and work, but you'll soon be able to overcome them." He pulled back, a tender smile marking his face. "I _know_ you will. You've overcome a _lot_ over the years. No matter what happened, you always managed to bounce back from it."

"I guess so."

"You'll be alright, Penfold. I promise. This is one promise I don't _ever_ intend on breaking."

Penfold was looking down. "Unlike those times you promised you wouldn't laugh when I said something I knew was silly?"

He was about to protest to that being brought up, but stopped when he saw the hamster was actually smirking. "Hm, I would prefer your bright smile to that, but at least you're not frowning anymore."

"Hey, DM?"

"Yes?"

"I know I shouldn't apologise, but right now, I want to. I mean, I brought the mood down again."

"It's alright, Penfold. I did it for a moment last night, remember? I guess that now makes us even."

"Not really. It was what I did to start everything that brought your thoughts down. Until you've brought the mood down on your own, we're not even." He was smiling slightly. "But, I would be fine with that. I don't want you to be upset for your own reasons. That would be worse than being upset because of me."

"I'd disagree, but then I know we'll be debating it for the rest of the month. So, is it alright if we end the conversation here?"

"Deal. I'm starting to feel a bit hungry, anyway."

"As am I. The little cafe in town does breakfasts, I'm looking forward to trying their cheese omelettes."

He chuckled. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Come along, Penfold. Time to go into town for breakfast." As he took a step, his foot caught. Soon, he, Penfold (whom he'd crashed into) and the tent were on the ground. He closed his eye and sighed.

"You alright, DM?"

"I should be asking you that." He opened his eye and helped him sit up.

"I'll probably have a bruise later, but nothing too bad."

He turned to regard the tent. He closed his eye again and let out soft chuckles. It soon erupted into loud laughter. "See? I _told_ you so!"

Penfold started chuckling too. It was uncanny that they'd both managed to knock the tent over.

He wiped tears of mirth out of his eye before looking to the hamster. "I told you even I could do it."

"Yeah, you did." He had to wonder if it was intentional. Then again, the mouse wouldn't allow himself to fall on him if it was.

"Oh well, we'll fix it when we get back. Right now, I am eager to try those cheese omelettes. What do you suppose you'll be having?" He rose to his feet and offered his paw to the hamster.

"Probably just some beans on toast." He accepted the assistance to get back onto his feet but did not let go of the mouse's paw.

"Come along, let's get going."

"Right, DM!"

DMEP

 _I personally think the story should go on, but apparently, the authoress is just doing snapshots of important moments of their holiday. Well, she is the writer, I'm just the narrator. What else does this holiday have in store for our heroes? Find out next time in the next snapshot of this short arc._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** _**Why the downer chapter all of a sudden? I'm back in a low mindset. Nothing serious, just feeling down again. Besides, just because this holiday is meant to be of a good break, it doesn't necessarily mean the whole thing will be. In fact, I had times like that at Nan and Pop's place; not knocking down a tent and calling myself useless and clumsy, just general low points that resulted in me shutting myself in the bedroom and trying to distract myself (writing depressing self-insert fanfiction for example).**_

 _ **Thanks for reading! You don't have to review, but please don't flame if you do choose to say something. I welcome constructive criticism.**_


	11. 11 - Uninvited Guest

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall. I do own Steve Spider._

 **Notes:** ** _Another snapshot chapter of their holiday. Things aren't as bad as they were last chapter, but well... Remember, this is in the 1980s series. There was an episode that showed Penfold and Danger Mouse both being frightened of a large spider that wound up in their flat; this chapter references it._**

 _ **I apologise if there are similarities to**_ _SariSpy56 Returns_ _ **' fic**_ _Arachnophobia_ _ **. There was no intention. The reason for the arachnid guest will be explained in my after-notes.**_

 _ **Relationship is platonic, I tell you.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **(Linebreaks hate me, so I will use**_ _DMEP_ _ **.)**_

DMEP

 _Our heroes are resting for the night, unaware that they will be in for a rude awakening._

The weather was damp, so Danger Mouse and Penfold had opted to spend the night in the tent. Danger Mouse twitched as he felt something touch his back. "Mm, not there..." he muttered with a grimace.

Penfold blearily opened his eyes. "Wasn't me, DM," he whispered. It could be something else was irritating the mouse; maybe he had an itch where not even he could reach?

Another touch and another twitch. "Stop it..."

Penfold sighed. Maybe he should do something to help. He crawled out of the mouse's embrace and went to take care of what he thought was irritating the white rodent. He carefully scratched up and down his back. "Better?"

"Mm, trying to sleep..."

"You're welcome." He crawled back to where he'd been laying and closed his eyes.

DMEP

Ten minutes later, Penfold felt something. His eyes flew open in alarm, that _something_ was _not_ his best friend! He placed his paw on the mouse's shoulder and gently shook him. "DM, I hate to bother you, but I think we have company..."

He opened his eye. "What do you mean?"

"You feel it too, right? That extra _something_ covering us?"

"I do. Probably just the blanket."

"But, we don't have one."

"Ah." He reached a paw to touch the thing covering them. He was shocked to feel it move. "Penfold, grab the torch, will you?"

He rolled over and grabbed the torch then switched it on. He promptly shrieked. Even without his glasses on, he could recognise the visitor.

"Oi, mates, some of us are trying to _sleep_ here," a third voice uttered in annoyance.

Danger Mouse tensed. Not only was it surprising for Penfold to suddenly scream like that, that third voice was completely unexpected. He rolled over and beheld the sight that had the hamster trembling in utter terror. "Right, Penfold. You know what we do in situations like these."

His screams paused. "Panic?" He then resumed the loud vocals.

"Well done."

The guest frowned and sat up, glaring at the rodents. "Look, you, I've had a _long_ day today and then I get lost, decide to hide out in this tent I found so I didn't get wet and then you're both keeping me _awake_!"

In normal circumstances, Danger Mouse would've apologised for such rude behaviour. But, considering the size of their eight-legged guest, it was no surprise he quickly grabbed Penfold's spectacles, got to his feet, scooped up the still screaming Penfold and made a dash out of the tent, straight to the Mark III.

The large spider sighed as he lay down. " _Honestly_ , people these days. No manners at all."

DMEP

Danger Mouse brought out the dome usually saved for when they take the Mark III underwater. He looked to the still petrified hamster. "Are you alright, Penfold?"

"Oh, crumbs, DM, that spider...he was _huge_! He was even bigger than the one that wound up in our bathroom!"

"The one Stiletto made larger?"

"Mm-hm!"

"I'll admit, he gave me quite a turn too. But, _honestly_ , what was he thinking, just sneaking into our tent like that? And he has the nerve to call _us_ out on impolite behaviour!" He crossed his arms. "No helping it now, we're going to have to spend the night in here."

"You mean, you're _not_ going to tell him to push off?"

"In his mood, that would be too dangerous for even my liking. Unless you'd like to volunteer?"

"Ooh, I never noticed how _comfy_ these seats are! I guess sleeping here would be much better."

He couldn't hold back the smile at the way his best friend had rejected that proposal. "We'll talk with him in the morning about that." He let out a yawn. "For now, I think I'd like to return to Dreamland."

"Me too. Good night, DM."

"Good night, Penfold."

DMEP

The next morning, the mouse and hamster woke in a cranky mood. Their sleep had been disturbed by an uninvited guest, and sleeping in the Mark III wasn't quite comfortable. "Right, I don't care if he's still asleep, I'm giving that nasty intruder a piece of my mind."

"I'll be there in a second, DM." Penfold proceeded to take a gulp of water to help him swallow his anti-depressant, then re-applied the lid to the bottle before setting it back in the glove compartment.

"You're coming too?"

"Well, I'm pretty cross with him for last night too."

"You _must_ be if you want to see him. Right then, let's get going." He lifted the dome, concealing it until the next time it would be required, opened the door and stepped out of the Mark III.

As he'd said, Penfold was right behind him.

Danger Mouse stood by the tent, arms crossed and a glower on his face. He was definitely not in a good mood. "Mr. Spider, wake up and come out right this second! We'd like to have a word with you!"

It didn't take long before the giant spider, well giant by their standards, emerged from the tent. "Hm? What's the matter?"

"What's the... _what's the matter_? You really believe you have the _gall_ to ask that after last night?"

"Hey, I told you blokes I got lost and decided to seek shelter in the tent."

"It would've been nice if you'd _asked_ first. You gave both of us a nasty fright last night, not to mention caused our sleep to be _incredibly_ uncomfortable."

"Gee, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any trouble. But, why were you blokes so terrified of me?"

"Well, you _are_ a big spider, and big spiders sometimes eat mice and hamsters," Penfold explained. His frustrations seemed to have melted away a little at seeing the spider had really meant no harm.

"What? Oh, I get it." He chuckled. "Now listen, big though I may be, I don't fancy a diet of rodents. Just bugs. Nice of you to jump to conclusions though."

"Erm, even without thinking that, I would still be scared. I mean, well, I am actually a coward."

Danger Mouse nodded in confirmation. "Fully certified and all. But, honestly, Mr. Spider..."

" _Steve_. Just call me _Steve_."

"Alright then, Steve. By the way, I am Danger Mouse, and this is Penfold."

"Nice to make your acquaintance."

"Likewise, now that I know you're not a threat to either of us." _Especially Penfold._ "If you had approached us and asked if you could share our tent, that would've been far better for all involved, hm?"

"Guess so. I didn't realise it was yours though. I didn't see anybody around. Then again, I guess there are no tents without owners."

"Now that the sun is up, do you feel you may be able to get home?"

"Yes, it's much easier to see where I am now. I've never been good with dark, rainy nights. Anyway, sorry for troubling you blokes. I'll be heading off now."

"Hold on, you don't have to leave just yet. Stay for breakfast at least," Penfold offered.

"I don't think you'd be willing to cook me any bugs. Besides, I've got a family back home waiting for me. I told my wife I'd get the best bugs in the area for her; if I don't, she'll bite my head off."

"Sounds tough."

"You have _no_ idea." Steve shuddered. "It's a wonder I'm still alive now. Anyway, enough of that. Cheerio!" He waved before setting off on his merry way home, making absolutely sure to keep an eye out for any delicious insects.

Penfold looked up to his best friend. "Steve wasn't such a bad spider, eh?"

"He lacked in manners, but he is a friendly sort of chap. I'm hoping for _his_ sake he does find the best insects for his wife."

"I'm sure he'd just get an earful from her."

"No. Actually..." He wondered how to best tell the hamster that Steve had been literal with his mention of his wife's threat. "It's more like _she'll_ be the one to get a _mouth_ ful."

"Oh." He turned a light shade of green as realisation struck. "Don't put on brekkie yet, I lost my appetite."

"Mine isn't quite present either. Well, we may as well try going back to sleep. Back to the tent?"

"Back to the tent. But, erm, could you please check for other invaders before we do?"

"Of course." He poked his head through the entrance and saw it was empty. "All clear, Penfold."

DMEP

Penfold was still awake, though Danger Mouse was fast asleep. He couldn't help but worry someone else was there with them, even if Danger Mouse had already said there were no more uninvited guests. _Oh, crumbs, I really hope they're not able to use camouflage or anything. Or maybe they're so tiny we can't see them, but still dangerous. Oh, carrots, I can't be in here knowing that's possible!_ He crawled out of Danger Mouse's embrace again and left the tent. Never mind the seats in the Mark III weren't appropriate for sleeping in, he would much rather where he knew it was safe.

DMEP

Danger Mouse rolled onto his back. His eye flew open when he realised he had. Where was Penfold? He sat up and looked around the tent. "Penfold? I say, Penfold, where are you?" He got to his feet and ran out of the tent, only to skid to a stop when he spotted the hamster was fast asleep in the Mark III. He sighed and shook his head. "He's safe, but his back will be sore later. Good thing I know some massage techniques to help soothe aching muscles. I wonder, what drove him to sleeping in there? I told him the tent was empty." He thought about it, but couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation.

Penfold's eyes fluttered open and he yawned as he emerged from the realm of slumber. He stretched and let out a yelp. "Cor, my back's aching..." he groaned.

"From sleeping in the car, no doubt." Danger Mouse approached the vehicle. "How come you came back here instead of staying in the tent?"

"I couldn't stay in there. What if there were some extra guests that were so tiny you can't see them, but they're still dangerous?"

"Ah, I see. Well, I'm perfectly fine, aren't I?"

"Yes..."

"Clearly you're not though. Come back into the tent and I'll give you a backrub."

"Eh?"

"You'll need those aching back muscles of yours massaged before they get worse. You'll feel much better for it." He turned and returned to the tent.

"Oh. Okay, DM." He climbed out of the vehicle and entered the tent.

DMEP

 _This holiday has certainly had its ups and downs, but soon, they'll be returning to the Mayfair pillar-box. Before they do though, what else has the authoress come up with for them to go through? Oh. Apparently this one was based off a true story, but she'll explain later. In the meantime, keep a look out for the final snapshot of their holiday._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** _ **Just as the idea for the holiday away was inspired by my own little holiday, this chapter was inspired by something that happened at Nan and Pop's. A spider, I don't know what kind, got into my bed. I found it in my pyjama sleeve that morning when reaching for my handkerchief. I pretty much flicked it out and bolted out of my bed, found Nan and Pop in the kitchen and asked which of them was the one to deal with spiders. By the way, it's Nan, Pop was almost the same as me when it came to them...only without the tears and nightmares. Anyway, Nan went in with a can of bug spray to kill the spider (with most of ours being venomous down here in Australia, we can't be too careful), but it went into hiding before she got there. I absolutely refused to sleep in my bed, though I was still tired, until certain the spider was gone. So, Nan let me continue sleeping in her bed while she washed the sheets to make sure if the spider was hiding among them, we'd get it.**_

 _ **Now you know why the story went the way it did, especially with Penfold being unable to sleep in the tent after being surprised by Steve's presence, even if he was actually a nice spider. Hm? What kind of spider is Steve? Just think of him as a new species.**_

 _ **There will be one more chapter on the holiday, and then, time for them to return home.**_

Thanks for reading! I won't ask for you to review, but if you do choose to say something, please don't flame. Constructive criticism is welcome.


	12. 12 - End of the Holiday

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or the characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall._

 **Notes:** _ **Starts a bit depressingly, but has an abundance of platonic fluff (yes, still platonic!) to try to make up for it.**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **(Linebreaks hate me, so I will use**_ _DMEP_ _ **.)**_

DMEP

 _Even those on the path to recovery have their low days. But, sometimes, a friend can be enough to help lift them._

The sun was rising, the birds were singing and the rodents were still snoring away. It was the final day of their holiday, and Danger Mouse had something planned for it. He stirred as the sunlight beamed upon him and Penfold and slowly opened his eye. _Well, today's the day. I wonder what Penfold will have to say about my surprise._

Penfold started stirring. His eyes fluttered open before he squeezed them shut again. "Too bright..." he murmured, burying his face into the mouse's chest.

"Come on, Penfold, rise and shine. Today is a beautiful day for us to wrap-up our holiday, wouldn't you say?"

The hamster groaned.

"Penfold? Are you well?"

"Yes, just...I don't want to get up."

"Are you still tired?"

"Sort of."

"Hm. Well, since you're awake, why don't you go and have your anti-depressant? I can get breakfast started."

"Don't feel like it."

He blinked in confusion. "You don't feel like having your medication?"

"Don't feel like doing anything today."

"Penfold? Is something the matter?"

"I just feel like...I don't know. I don't have the energy to do anything today, I just feel like lying here."

He frowned in concern. "Lack of motivation?"

"Mm-hm."

"I see. It's another low day for you."

"How can you tell?"

"Low days don't always consist of feeling down or wanting to hurt yourself. They can also be days you feel numb or can't be bothered doing anything."

"Ah. I guess it is one then."

"Hm, I thought so." He wondered if he'd be able to put his plan of surprise into action, or if the hamster's mood wouldn't make it possible anymore. "Well, you still need to have your pill and some brekkie. You can lie here if you want, I'll get it for you."

"DM?"

"Yes?"

"You don't think I am being a lazy good-for-nothing right now, do you?"

"Of course not." He held him close and rubbed his back. "Today is just one of those days for you, that's all. It will soon pass."

"What if it continues longer?"

"I still won't think you're being lazy. I've been in this same position as you, I can understand there are days you just don't want to do anything, or you can't do anything."

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "I did it again."

"Oh, Penfold...it will be alright. Please don't worry, my friend." He felt the hamster start to tremble and realised his best friend was starting to cry. "Penfold..." He continued rubbing his back, giving him a kiss atop his head for good measure. "I wish you didn't have to go through this. It breaks my heart to see you this way."

"I'm s-sorry..."

"Shh, don't apologise, it's not your fault." He blinked back tears forming in his eye, telling himself crying wouldn't exactly help his friend at that moment. But, the more Penfold sobbed, the more he felt his heart shatter. "Oh, Penfold..."

DMEP

Penfold sniffed and sighed. "I'm ruining the end of the holiday, aren't I?"

"No, you're not. It's alright to feel this way. I only wish I knew how to take that pain away from you."

"DM..." He pulled back and looked up, noticing the mouse's cheek was dampened. "Oh, DM, you too? I'm sorry..."

"Shh, it's alright. It's going to be alright, Penfold."

"Maybe I should have more frequent sessions with Dr. Moore when we get back."

"Even when recovering, there will be days like this. It doesn't necessarily mean you're getting worse. This is just part of the journey."

"Why does it have to be this way?"

"I don't know. But, just as you have days like this, there are also brighter days. You will be able to find joy in life again, even if it takes a long time. Whether good times or bad, I'll be with you the whole time. I promise."

"Okay."

"As I said though, you do need to have your medication. I'll get it and the water for you."

"Can we just lie here a little longer? Please?"

"It's usually better to have your medication at about the same time everyday. How about this? You take your medication and then we can lie here for a while, okay?"

He sighed. "Alright."

He gave him another kiss on top of his head. "I'll be right back." He released him from the embrace, rolled onto his back, sat up and rose to his feet. He made his way over to the Mark III.

Penfold sighed again and reached for his spectacles. "What a way to end this holiday..."

Danger Mouse returned within a few seconds. "Here you are." He handed the hamster the pill and water bottle. He sat down beside him again.

Penfold popped the pill into his mouth, removed the lid from the water bottle and had a gulp of the liquid, swallowing that with the pill. He let out a quiet breath when he knew they had gone down. "Want a sip, DM?"

"Yes, thank you." He accepted the bottle and had a few sips of the water. "You know, Penfold, I'm glad you're here."

He looked up at the mouse. "What do you mean, DM? Is this about a couple of months ago?"

"No. I'm just...I'm still _extremely_ thankful that I've had you as my best friend for so many years now." He looked up at the sky and smiled. "I would do things like this on my own when I was younger. Even after I became a secret agent. I didn't realise until after I had met you that I had actually missed having company. My days aren't as lonesome anymore, now that you're here."

"DM..."

"Solitude is nice once in a while. But, honestly, a holiday like this would've been no fun at all if you weren't with me." He turned back to the hamster, still smiling. "I had a surprise planned for today, but if you don't feel up to it, we can save it for another time. I don't mind if we just stay here the whole day as long as I'm with you."

"Crumbs, you sure know how to make a hamster feel loved..."

"Well, said hamster has made this mouse feel just as loved." He wrapped an arm around his shoulders and held him close. "Thank you for being my best friend, Penfold."

He snuggled against him, unable to hold back the tiny smile forming on his lips. "You too. I love you, DM."

"I love you too."

DMEP

As the day passed, Penfold could feel his mood was improving. "Hey, DM, I don't feel as bad right now."

"I'm glad to hear it. You were just going through a bit of a rough patch. Do you feel up to doing anything?"

"Not entirely. Not yet, anyway."

"That's fine. Just take your time, there is no rush."

"But, what about that surprise?"

"I told you, we can save that for another time if need be. Don't feel you have to force yourself for my sake, the surprise is really for you."

"For me?" He hung his head. "Crumbs, you had something planned for me, and now..."

"It's alright, Penfold. It's not like it won't be there again later. We can come back another time for it."

"Aww, but now I want to know what it is..."

"If I told you, it would no longer be a surprise, would it?"

"No. But, I could still act surprised."

"That won't work because I'll already know you're not actually surprised."

"True. Erm, can you at least tell me if it requires doing a lot of things?"

"Alright, that's fair. It doesn't require you to do very much at all."

"Ah. Well, maybe it would be okay if we went. It might even help put me in a better mood."

"If you're sure..."

"I am. Please, DM?"

He chuckled. "Alright then. After lunch, we'll get going."

" _Goody_! I can't wait to find out what it is!"

The enthusiasm in the hamster's voice reminded Danger Mouse of times that felt like forever ago. It wasn't a common thing anymore, though it happened on the rare occasion. He wanted to consider them all the more special due to the hamster's more frequent low moods, but he felt Penfold being happy almost all the time was definitely far better.

DMEP

After lunch, it was time for Penfold's surprise. "I'm going to need you to put a blindfold on. Don't worry, I won't be doing any fancy flying. I just don't want you to see where we are going until we get there."

"Oh...alright, DM. I trust you." He finished fastening his seatbelt.

He removed the hamster's spectacles and tied some cloth over his eyes. "No peeking now." He climbed into the driver's seat, buckled his seatbelt and started the ignition. "Alright, we're heading off now." He switched the vehicle to flight mode and took off smoothly, not wanting to startle the blindfolded hamster.

DMEP

"We're here." He climbed out of the driver's seat, walked to the passenger side, unbuckled the seatbelt and lifted the hamster out. He continued carrying him until they were at the front of the building, set him down and untied the blindfold. He returned the hamster's spectacles to their usual place and awaited the hamster's reaction.

"This is...the cinema? Eh? Wait, the film that's screening is..." He gasped. "DM! How did you know?"

"Considering your taste in films, I had a feeling you would be wanting to see this."

"Thank you, this is amazing!" He turned around and hugged him. "You're the best friend, ever!"

He returned the embrace and patted his back. "You're welcome, Penfold. Come on, let's go inside and get our tickets and snacks."

"Oh, goody!" He released the mouse from his embrace and instead held his paw as they walked side by side into the cinema.

DMEP

An hour and a half later, Penfold was still chattering excitedly about everything he could remember from the movie, making sure not to spoil it for anybody else about to see it. "Then, they were...and then it...oh, remember when..."

Danger Mouse couldn't hold back any longer. He let out a few chuckles. "It's good to see you in a better mood, Penfold. I don't think I can recall ever seeing you so excited. Well, except for when the first film was released on home video." He paused in his steps and knelt down, drawing the hamster into a warm embrace. "Did you like the surprise?"

"I _loved_ it! Thanks, DM!" He returned the embrace as firmly as he could. "I'm feeling better now."

"As I said, this morning was just a rough patch, but you came out of it. You see? You are recovering."

His excited grin melted into a warm smile as he closed his eyes. "Thanks."

"We'll do more stargazing tonight, and then tomorrow, it's back to London. All in all, I would say this holiday has been successful, wouldn't you agree?"

"I had my down days...but yes, I do agree."

DMEP

"Hey, DM?"

"Yes, Penfold?"

The hamster turned away from the sky they were lying under, his gaze set on his best friend. "Earlier today, you said you were glad I'm here. I want to let you know that I feel the same about you. I'm glad you're here, DM."

He turned to face him, taking hold of his paw in his own larger one. "Thank you, Penfold."

Both rodents smiled tenderly as they looked into each other's eyes.

Danger Mouse leaned in and gave his best friend a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, Penfold."

"I love you too, DM. Thank you for everything you've done. Not just with all of this, but with everything over the years since the day we met."

"Thank you too, Penfold."

The hamster let out a quiet yawn before shifting closer. "Can we keep doing this when we get home?"

"Doing what? Stargazing?"

"Being so closely intimate with each other. I don't even mind sharing baths with you anymore. It was embarrassing at first, but...I would be lonely if I did it alone."

"I was actually thinking about that a few nights ago."

"You were?"

"I was. I would be quite happy to keep this going, even after you've recovered. I'll admit that after sharing this with you for so long, I would feel lonesome without you too." He rolled onto his side, placing his other arm over the hamster's torso. "I'd quite enjoy if we continued like this."

"Thank you." He felt his eyes start to drift closed. "Good night, DM."

"Good night, Penfold. Sweet dreams."

"Thanks. You too."

He removed the hamster's spectacles, placing them near his head before pulling him close and closing his eye. As he fell into slumber, his smile widened.

DMEP

 _Their holiday has come to an end. Only two more chapters to go with this, and then, that will be all. What will happen in those final chapters? Will there be another time-skip? Apparently, there will be. In any case, keep an eye out for the next update._

DMEP

 **After notes:** _**Low times can be temporary. The other morning I woke up feeling low and wanting to do little but lie in bed and cry. My mood improved over the course of the day, and I was soon feeling a bit more positive. That's why Penfold's behaviour is shown as such.**_

 _ **Yes, the holiday is over, and yes, there will be a time-skip for the final chapter. I do need to wrap this up, after all. Anyway, this is especially fluffy due to it being Valentine's Day (even platonic love can be acknowledged on this day), and I haven't finished the story I had planned for it, so instead, have some extra platonic fluff from DM and Penfold.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading! You don't have to review, but please don't flame. Constructive criticism is welcomed as always.**_


	13. 13 - Explanation (Extra Chapter)

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own_ _ **Danger Mouse**_ _or any canon characters. They are the property of Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall._

 **Notes:** _ **This isn't a standard chapter, but I felt it necessary to explain the lengthy hiatus.**_

 _ **Relationship is still platonic.**_

 _ **I hope this is satisfactory!**_

 _ **(Linebreaks still hate me, so I shall use**_ _DMEP_ _ **.)**_

DMEP

 _Our heroes have returned to their Baker Street pillar-box, but they've been idle for quite some time. Is there a reason for this?_

DMEP

Penfold looked to Danger Mouse. "Cor, DM, it's been _months_ since our holiday and yet nothing has changed since then!"

"If anything, it feels almost as if it took us months just to get back."

"You don't happen to know why this is going on, do you?"

"Actually, I received a notice concerning this. It seems Ms. Writer wants to finish this during a time better suited to her."

"What do you mean?"

"Sit down and I'll explain."

Penfold sat on the sofa, mindful not to sit on the lift.

"Right then. Ms. Writer started this story as a means of personal venting channeled through us."

"Ah. I wondered why I was suddenly so depressed. What exactly started it?"

"Her year started out on a low note, and then there was more struggle of coping with her mother's 19th death anniversary."

"Oh, crumbs..."

"Her mood influences her writing, you see. That's why, even during the more enjoyable times regarding our mental states, we found ourselves returning to those more dismal emotions."

"That certainly explains why."

"On top of that, this story somehow serves as a reflection to her own journey. A lot of what she has you feel is what she has experienced on a personal level. Seems the chapter introducing Steve Spider was also drawn from a personal experience during her own holiday."

"So, how come things haven't progressed? Is it because her mood hasn't improved?"

"Exactly! With everything going on in the world, in her country and in her personal life, her mood has been very low. She wishes to complete our journey together when she feels her own in progressing. Her explanation is that she feels her mood influencing her writing would only serve to hinder everything. Her thoughts are of how can she possibly write you recovering from suicidal ideations when she finds herself still struggling? For her, this story has us serve as companions on her own journey. The further her progression, the easier to write yours."

"Would it be wrong for me to ask what has caused her such sorrow?"

"She explained in brief that certain minorities are dealing with discrimination worldwide but it hits her harder when it occurs in, what she refers to as, her own backyard. Then, there is the matter of a physical ailment she has been dealing with for almost two years. The agony of her pains and not knowing what is making her feel so ill has also put a strain on her already poorly mental health."

"Did she say if there is progress to come? For her and us?"

"She said that progress is being made in her search for answers, but depending on how it goes, it may still be a long time yet before our progress is made. She won't neglect us, she assures, but for now, this adventure is on hiatus until further notice. There are still more adventures to look forward to, of that she is certain."

"Oh, goody! At least we're not forgotten!"

"Never, Penfold. She considers us to be among very special characters in her life. At least now we know what is going on."

"The readers hoping for more will be happy too, I bet!"

"Indeed."

DMEP

 _So, that at least explains why this story has been stagnant for so long. Well, let's just hope that someday, there will be progress._

DMEP

 **After-notes:** _ **In better detail, there have been ongoing debates in Australia that concern the LGBT+ community, including our right to marriage equality, and the constant exposure to homophobic remarks have not helped. They may not address me personally, but they may as well be doing so as each 'all gays are pedos' comments digs deeply. I didn't know anybody harmed or killed in Orlando, but it was still a huge shock...and then when homophobes came out of the woodwork and proceeded to say such hurtful and horrible things it was almost too much!**_

 _ **As for the physical health issues, I only recently found out that I may have lupus, it is being put through further investigation, and that I am so anaemic I need to be referred to my local hospital for an iron infusion to raise my iron levels.**_

 _ **So, that explains the hiatus anyway. I want to be in a more positive mindset when I write the chapters that display Penfold's progress. Until then...this is what you get for an update.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading. As always, reviews aren't necessary, but if you choose to say something, please do not flame. Constructive criticism is more than welcome, of course.**_


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